No Words submitted by the Hares this week, feel free to throw rocks, boulders and dog turds at them when you next see them. This were penned by your long suffering scribe.

The multitude of Hfivers gathered at the pub in Campton. 32 runners - what a superb turnout. Following the usual formalities (4 birthdays identified) the on-on was indicated by the hares. With alacrity the onon was called and a check stumbled upon straight away. Three false trails were run, and then amazingly the hares indicated a back check past the pub! What a gross error in haring. Excused only as youthful ignorance, the hares both being under 16! They are advised (as are other novice hares) to read the words of wisdom on the web site that explain the basics of hareing an H5 run. It would have been such a shame to curtail the run after 3 min 28 seconds with the pub being in clear view.

On down to the river the trail led, the pack braving the kamikaze attacks by the flies and gnats. Despite the heat, a fast pace was maintained and the knitting circle began to fall behind. The ladies check was followed by a held check next to a ditch. Gradually the sloths and laggards wandered in, until only one hasher was missing - Sasquatch was nowhere to be seen. But hang on - how can the back hare be lost! Parental concern crossed Giblet's face for a moment or two as he began to retrace the trail, but he must have reconsidered quickly as he soon came back sans Sasquatch! I expect someone must have gone to find Sasquatch as he was in evidence at the end of the run.

A surprise check was held at Paintball's house as a miniscule portion of pseudo Champers was served to the pack. Paige did the cake waitress thing and Pooper was given the appropriate number of bumps, it being him that prompted the bubbly/cake check.

An opportunity was then given to the knitting circle, aged, infirm, unfit and those with dogs to take a short cut, leaving the one or two fit hashers to run the rest of the trail. In good time the pub was found and the pack staggered in accompanied by hearty cries of encouragement given by the local juvenile intelligentsia who happened to be sprawling on the ground by the church wall.

A second round of cake and bubbly was gratefully received by the hash, this time provided by trolley dolly Helen to celebrate her birthday. There followed a humungous circle as numerous down-downs were awarded - yes you guessed it - the RA has returned from his Thai hols! There being few genuine misdemeanours (Underlay's dog digging holes in Paintball's garden being one) the RA quickly sunk to petty victimisation of one of the newer hash members. Diana was repeatedly singled out and given a whole bunch of DDs. Luckily they were softies otherwise the poor harriette would be looking for a new liver by now.

In case you are wondering, the other birthdays were Ringkisser (who seems to permanently have something to celebrate) and Lilley the Spotty dog who everyone forgot about - and it was her first birthday!

OnOn - Shagpile

Good to see that some hares have a conscience. These arrive shortly after my version of the Words was sent out. Penned (keyed) by Sasquatch and Pooper. Note that he/they couldn't remember the run number! - Scribe

The Words - Run on the 2nd of June

We started to lay the run at around 4:00 on the Monday evening. We set off in high spirits, full of confidence that it was going to be a lot quicker than our previous run, which we set a record of 5 hours to lay. However, 10 minutes into the run, we suddenly realised that Pooper had forgotten his phone. A quick sprint back to the pub later, and he rejoined us, being the speedy chap that he is. We continued to lay the run, with not much in particular happening, apart from shouts from our mates asking what the hell we were doing carrying bags of flour around and putting symbols down. Has anybody actually thought about how weird we must look doing this?

The hash gathered for the circle, mostly arriving on time. There were 3 birthdays, one of them belonging to Pooper, one of the hares. Sadly, Pooper made a bit of a birthday blunder, and forgot the flour. They set off, falling for the back check trick, which was carefully planned by Paintball. Eventually, finding the right trail, the hash set off and kept going with ease. Around half way trough the run, Sasquatch, the back hare, having no flour, was waiting for the slower and more childbearing runners who sadly could not be shown the way by flour. The large wait, and the sight of G-String throwing up all over the floor, must have blurred his memory, as he set off for about a mile in the wrong direction. After reaching a strangely familiar stile, he had a case of déjà vu, and turned back in the opposite direction. Along his way, he met someone, who he kindly recommended H5 to. (If he comes to a hash in the future and says he used the website to find us, then it's me you've got to thank, not our much loved and talented scribe). After catching up with the hash again, we regrouped and gathered at Paintball's house for champagne and cake. After Pooper had had his birthday 'bumps' and a certain dog had started Jayne's garden design project the short cutters and the 'normal' runners separated and headed back to the pub. Both returned at the same time, leaving the two hares to have a quick race to the car park.

The circle gathered, and the hares were given their down-downs, as were the three birthday boys and girls. Also, down-downs went to Underlay for Not-My-Bitch's actions in the garden, Pooper for loosing his book, Pooper and Sasquatch for competitiveness, Florence and Scooper for playing with themselves and many others which must have been wiped from our memories somehow (I'm looking at you RA). Also, Pooper and Sasquatch got the Hashits (which smell like over-fermented beer) for something or other.

Oh well, ON ON!!