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NEWIES ALWAYS WELCOME: Have a BASH join the HASH. Just turn up 10 minutes before the START in your old running gear. SUNday startS 11.00 (SUMMER MONDAYs 19:30) Runs last about one hour.
WE ALWAYS FINISH TOGETHER. |
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Run No 889: Chequers, Wrestlingworth
Monday, 18 August 2008
Hares: Flo & OverWallahFlo
HASHERS: 18 ANKLE BITERS: 1 APRES: 3 |
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It wasn't us guv
Nice in here init?
Scooby & Forking, shorts challenge
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Well, here we are again, the final Monday evening run for 2008, it only seems like a few months ago that we had our first Monday evening run for 2008. In fact it was only a few months ago that we had our first Monday evening run for 2008.The brace of hares arrived early due to a totally untypical dose of guilt concerning the run. As Flo & Overflo left the pub car park to scuttle into the backwaters of Wrestlingworth a gnat’s before 19.00 o’clock, we were met by Pussys Galore & Gorjoyce driving in. Why? We asked ourselves. But we never found out, it will have to remain a mystery forever like why the sea is salty, why the sky is blue & why the Belgians make better chocolate than anyone else. Anyway, we went to lay an extra loop to the run ‘cos Flo thought it was too short.
Turnout was better than we thought it was going to be considering the poxy weather which goes to prove the age old saying sic transit gloria mundi which roughly translated means “thus passes the glory of the world” or, more colloquially, “that’s how the cookie crumbles”. The hares tried to convince a sceptical circle that the brevity of the run to come was due to: a) the nights drawing in, and b) the presence of a f*****g great bull in a field on the route. This scepticism was very perceptive as the actual reason was that the lazy bastards hares couldn’t be arsed recce-ing it. Just goes to show that you can’t trust hares. For the technically minded, refer to Technical Appendix 1 [see above for visuals .... Ed].
On out of the pub car park into immediate confusion (hashers & hares alike), people wandering in all directions, Shaggy even returned to the pub convinced that the run was to the nearby crossroads & back (nice try). It was when we reached the first check, by the church, that everyone realised that this particular run might be a problem. The reasons were meteorological & zoological: a) it had pissed down the previous night which had washed most of the flour away, and b) what was left had provided a scrummy snack for the local slug population that had turned out in impressive numbers to enjoy H5’s largesse. Scoobby Dooby Doo who was obviously a committed (he ought to be) member of the RSPM (Royal Society for the Prevention of Molluscs) set about enthusiastically inflicting his own version of “the Final Solution” on the unsuspecting pulmonates (slugs to you). SDD is going to be in dead lumber in eternity if God proves to be a slug.
Private Parts was in mathematically cracking form when he ran back No. 8 from a number check marked with a 7 and refused to run back from check marked with a 6 when he arrived as number 5. Refer to Technical Appendix No.2. Lots of other stuff happened but I can’t be bothered writing about any of it.
Occurrences at the final circle (otherwise known as the anal sphincter): Hares were amply rewarded for their meagre efforts. Down downs for Donut & Scoobby Dooby Doo for having the temerity to be a year older. SDD gave a whole new meaning to the term “beer belly” when he tipped his pint down the front of his T shirt and made most of the circle feel slightly nauseous when he demonstrated his underwear (at least I hope it was his underwear, if not, his genitals are looking decidedly peaky). Forking Dickchair also induced revulsion when his shorts ripped (again) fairly spectacularly revealing their contents for all to see and marvel at. Flo suggested that they ought to be used as a hash mascot & hoisted to the top of a flagpole (I meant his shorts not their contents though, come to think of it, a pair of genitals up a flag pole might be an interesting addition to any hash event – Flo. It’s just a guess but I doubt that FD would be generous enough to donate his genitals for this, even though it is such a worthy cause - Flobolloxoverwallah). Perhaps we should hoist Forking Dickchair to the top of the flagpole and give his shorts a decent burial.
Shaggy was caught advertising the “W” thing & paid the ultimate penalty in Greene King IPA. So finished the final Monday run of 2008 which just goes to prove the age old saying: sic transit gloria Monday which roughly translated means ….. oh, work it out for yourself.
The End
Luv
Flo & Wallahflo-overbollox
Technical Appendix 1 Flo’s musings on laying the right length run: a) if it feels too short, it’s the right length, b) if it feels the right length, it’s too long, c) if it feels too long it’s massive (at least, I think she was talking about the run)
Technical Appendix 2 Overwallahflobollox has to admit that it was he who sent Private Parts back form the 7 check. In my defence I was absent from school when we did 7, hence blowing my chances of being a mathematical genius.
Technical Appendix 3 More musings on getting the length of the run right, whilst laying it: Flo to Overbolloxwallahflo, “Wills, my legs are hurting.” Five minutes later - Flo to Bolloxwallahflo-over, “Wills, my legs are weally weally hurting now.” It’s time to give up & go home – sod the run. |
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Run No 887: Rapid's Gaff, Toddington
Monday, 4 August 2008
Hare: Rapid Withdrawal
HASHERS: 11 ANKLE BITERS: 1 APRES: 3 |
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Barmy night for a long false trail
Shagpile enjoys the view of Toddington Services
The RA even awarded himself a down-down
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The best thing about having a BBQ are the leftovers, and as I am sitting here munching a sausage sandwich (just a little mustard), it reminds me that I need to write some Wordz. So what did happen last night ? Well all the normal hashing stuff really…
It must have been the barmy warm summer weather (artistic license) which delayed the circle, or was it all the chatting ? GorJoyce had a White Rabbit moment, locking her car and leaving the boot wide open, Private Parts duly took note. With no birthdays or anniversaries, it was down to the hare to point everybody in the right direction (the only direction !) and to set off on a tour of Toddington. And boy, did Count Roadkill like Toddington ! Dragging his ball and chain, no, not Lady P – she was too busy chatting, he set off on a personal exploration of the village determined to travel down every path and to leave no stone unturned in his quest for flour.
A word of advice here for all Hashers, don’t talk to PP. It simply is not worth it. As he glides around the hash, with pen and paper he takes every comment and twists it in his warped mind so that a simple exchange along the lines of “I’m Thirsty” with the response “I’m Friday” results in a down down of the most repulsive out of date beer I can ever recall drinking. Thanks Nik Nak.
But back to the plot. The trail headed through some fields in the direction of Milton Bryan and then turned immediately back into Toddington towards the School. At this point Shagpile located a T and sagely announced that he knew the way back, until it was pointed out he had already found it on the way out. Past the School and the Church, again heading away from the village. Donut was already commenting that it was looking like a long run. At this point Count Roadkill, Nik Nak and PP went off on a private hash whilst the rest of us followed the flour through to the village green. Still more moaning from Donut as we again turned away from the start, but we were approaching the return section, crossing the main road and returning through a network of paths between the houses. The hash had split in two by this stage and I had to lay a few arrows to point the way.
Back at the house Mrs Rapid Withdrawal had the BBQ in full swing and helped by Phil (not such a rapid withdrawal) glasses were filled. The GM called the circle and PP attempted to poison selected people with his beverages. Awards were made for too much chatting in a WI style, and for daring to talk to the RA (no I’m not bitter…). I managed to produce a new award from my dustbin in the shape of a golden plunger (it appeared in the boot of my car after my wife had been out for a night. Why ? How ? Answers on a postcard please). Forking Dickchair was awarded the good crack award, simply because I thought it would be a laugh to see him carrying it all the way on run 888.
So the warm up event is over, the tour of South Beds complete. Now it is time for run 888, eight hundred and eighty seven runs in the making.
On On to god (or at least the GM) knows where.
Rapid Withdrawal (who has nowt to complain about: PP could easily have done him for mincing in a built up area - see photo above) |
Lady P, nabbed for WI chat
Gorjoyce with plunger neckline
Forking Good Crack
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Run No 886: Flo's Gaff, Potton
Sunday, 27 July 2008
The Cycle Treasure Hunt
Hares: Flo & Walla Bollox
HASHERS: 18 ANKLE BITERS: 5 APRES: 4 |
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Thongo, different class
www, ready to bike next door
Walla fails at candle blowing ...
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Sunday morning, 9.00 am and it’s hissing down (yes, hissing). Flo says to me, “f*****g hell, look at this f*****g weather, it’s f*****g awful, we’re gonna have to f*****g cancel the f*****g treasure hunt”. Ok, she didn’t actually say that but that’s what she meant.
Next thing I know we have a drive full of hashers and Nik Nak drives past in a piggin’ great white van. I don’t know if I was having a psychic moment or what, but something compelled me to go to the rec. car park where she was headed in time hear a godallmightly bang as she collided with the height restrictor on the car park. Personal note to Nik Nak – that van is more than 2.1m high.
They organised themselves into 5 teams. After brief introductions, Thongo’s Trippers (AKA Pongo, Pussy’s Galore, Nik Nak, Penetrator, and Forking Dickchair) were the first to set off, followed at 5-10 minute intervals by the rest. So in rapidly emerging sunshine five teams of hashers on every sort of velocipede that you could think of (and some you probably couldn’t) set off, turning left out of the driveway (apart from Five Baah who mysteriously turned right despite instructions). Hashers were seen pedalling furiously down Mill Lane toward Potton, which was a shame as the first clue was actually next door.
Cap’n F’s team were last away due to an inexplicable puncture in his front tyre. However, ready, as always to rise to any challenge (well, so far as we are aware anyway), he whipped out his spare tube and stuffed it in as quickly as he could. Their team were so confident that the tap dancing twins (Cap’n F & WWW) entertained us with their splendid impromptu terpsichore [anor bldy anag? ... ed] before leaping onto several thousands pounds worth of exotic and technically sophisticated equipment to cycle next door.
Flo decided to pilot the specially commissioned service vehicle due to CRABS (Can’t Ride A Bike Syndrome) due to a very sore bum caused by the recent recce of the route. Barb darlin’ [Ward 10? .... ed] decided to co-pilot due to CRABS (Completely Refusing A Bicycle Syndrome) and Phil accompanied the ladies to make sure they weren’t set upon by unfriendly natives and due to the fact that he was suffering from CRABS (Can’t Really be Arsed Biking Syndrome).
The organisers had a few qualms when, over an hour later there was still much scratching of heads and muttering concerning some of the more cryptic clues (note to Flo – I said they’d never get the anagram of editor’s – N.B. tie rods [don’t ask, you had to be there]). There were some concerns about Tripe & Onions (AKA Underlay, Rapid Withdrawal, Captain Fantaaastic and WWW), as after an hour they were still within sight of the start.
The W’s (AKA Pecker, Hash Bike, Splinter, Twiglet, Notch, Bill and Jean) were doing well, but Notch wanted a ‘Go Faster Daddy’ stretch, so we sent them on a nifty short cut to the pub.
Out onto the open road, wind in the hair – well, some people still have hair. Off toward the village with no name on the way to Gamlingay. Your’s truly, as bike hare was cycling fit to bust trying to catch Thongo who, in the quest for still more speed, had removed the basket from the front of his bicycle: will this man stop at nothing in his all-consuming desire to win?
Gamlingay was almost as problematic as Potton with hashers milling about in bewilderment, particularly Five Baah’s team, consisting of himself and Linda who were last seen pedalling toward the church but who then promptly vanished into the ether. Spookily, their list of clues later appeared on a car in our drive, I think it was left there by the aliens who abducted them in an attempt to put us off the scent. It worked, no-one has seen them since.
The cross country section must have been a challenge to the likes of Cap’n F and WWW, their lightweight racing cycles being about as much use as ice skates at a cricket match on the uneven ground. The pack eventually convened at the Chequers in Wrestlingworth for a deserved couple of pints (or thereabouts). |
The Hugh Nose team relax off-road
Deserved couple of pints
.. and the winners were ...
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More cross country work followed which was the undoing of the Pecker clan which decided to frolic into deepest, darkest Bedfordshire by continuing round the field as the trail headed inexorably toward Sutton. Two punctures was the penalty for such temerity but this minor pecidillo [far too mny anags .... ed] was dealt with in business like fashion by the redoubtable head of the family who appears to be up to any challenge.
A few clues in Sutton were followed by a pleasant sylvan amble back to Potton and a reunion with Smiffo and his blushing bride Screamer. Actually we found out later that the reason she was blushing was because she had sat on a damp patch of lawn and it looked as though she had wet herself, or maybe she had just wet herself? It was good to se Munchkin again, looking cool in his new “go faster” haircut.
Jorvik appeared as if from nowhere and PG Tips made a guest appearance before disappearing, possibly abducted by the same aliens that took Five Baah and Linda, perhaps they work on some sort of a quota system?
There was much jollity and ribald humour as the company set about their respective picnics with gusto though I did see Nik Nak eating Branston Pickle out of the jar with a spoon, strange girl. Flo brought out a birthday cake with at least five candles on, all of which promptly went out then magically re-ignited (no, they weren’t those special candles, if they were I wouldn’t have mentioned it). After I blew them out the cake disappeared never to be seen again. Yes, I thought of the aliens too, perhaps they thought that humans survive on birthday cake (or they just fancied some birthday cake). But no, Flo just forgot to bring it out again. We had a sedentary circle (i.e. everyone was too knackered to stand up) and there were out of date down downs for many of the company:
- The hares – Flo and Overflo
- Birthday boy – Overflo [looks lke he wnts to abndn ths walla nnsnse and rewind hs name .... ed]
- Tarzan for a refusal at the water jump (i.e. not going through the ford), Count Roadkill for unauthorised dobbing of Tarzan in for afore-mentioned misdemeanour, and Rapid Withdrawal for slacking in his duties as deputy RA and being blind as a bat
- Nik Nak for not knowing what six inches is
- SAS Hashers – Screamer, Smiffo, Munchkin and Jorvik (PG Tips may have had a down down in the alien ship but we are still awaiting confirmation)
We needn’t have worried about Tripe and Onions though, because although they may not have been the fastest team, they were the most thorough, and just pipped Hugh Nose (AKA Private Parts, Donut, Tarzan, Lady P & Count Roakill) to first place by a point (well almost, I can’t remember the keyboard shortcut for a third!!!!! [1/3?.....ed])
The assembled company eventually broke up toward bed time for the tinies, and Flo who was completely jiggered after all her efforts. And, just as we thought the whole thing was quietly winding up, The Count & Lady P, determined not to be outdone in the black rubber stakes (?) definitely took the “Most Innovative Puncture” award as befits their elevated social status with a nearside rear flat of their upmarket Ford Focus. And, just to show how generous they are to the proles, in an act of selfless “noblesse oblige”, allowed me to pump it up for them – aren’t our aristocracy wonderful? [shld we say smthng abt the prols being prtty damn decent too or is that patronsng? ...ed]
The sunshine lasted just long enough. Thanks to everyone for coming and making it a wonderful birthday weekend for Overflo.
See you all again soon.
Re-arrange these words into a well known saying or phrase: No No to Dripa's Gaff next Nomday and then 888
PS – five minutes after the last person left it pissed down again. |
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Run No 885: The Sportsman, Stopsley
Monday, 21 July 2008
Hare: FKA Duck
HASHERS: 17 ANKLE BITERS: 1 NEWEE: 1 RETURNEES: 3 MUTTS: 3
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White Rabbit appeared
Somefrog got a deca mug
Forking was covered in fake beer
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"OK if The Hare won't sing I'll give you the facts, the facts as I know them.
On the night of the 21st FKA Duck was Lone Hare working the seedy side of Stopsley.
But he came mob-handed with Sue, Laura and a tough looking Newee called Nick.
And a couple of mutts - yeah, that's it, they had dogs with them.
It was a pub we hadn't used before and with no real beer.
Must be a money laundrin' racket.
The West Beds boycott had ended that night - there were quite a few hashers there.
Scoobie must have known something, he turned up in the armoured ambulance.
PP travelled with him but not Lady Pee: never again she said.
Somefrog and Frogspawn brought a mutt too, just for protection they said.
They also said it was their last run with H5, but noone believed them.
Shagpile was wearing shades: I thought that was strange but said nothing.
He was on the waggon but not driving: something was wrong.
White Rabbit appeared for the first time since she took a tumble going for Pussies.
She'd had a tough time but everyone knew she'd make it.
Thongo and Gorjoyce arrived together again: nobody said a word.
Next FKA Duck sprinkled the white stuff on the ground.
Still there was silence: he had nothing to say.
Then they all ran off: in different directions, between the houses, scaring the locals.
Until we were all together again: in open country looking down on Luton.
I swear to Gawd, that's what happened.
Believe me: even if you couldn't believe a word The Hare said.
Thongo was nervous and said he had never been there before.
Nik-Nak went down as if shot but she was OK: no-one was tooled up.
And it went on like that: there were hills and fields and it was ..... peaceful.
The whole thing was wierd.
It must have lasted 50 minutes and we were back at the pub.
Not a word of lie.
The rest was quite normal.
Thongo used two words where one would do.
Somefrog got a deca mug.
Gorjoyce nearly had a birthday and was given a Newee.
Lady Pee didn't take the Good Crack Award and The Count took the rap.
Ringer was rude to White Rabbit.
Forking was covered in fake beer.
You get the picture.
But ..... this is the funny thing.
There was no shiggy.
None.
Can you explain that?
I'll swear it's the truth.
Not even Scoobie could find shiggy"
NEXT WEEK: THE BIKE TREASURE HUNT. SUNDAY 27 JULY. 10am. POTTON |
and it was ....... peaceful
The Count took the rap .. Ringer was rude
Gorjoyce nearly had a birthday
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Run No 884: The First & Last, Dunstable
Monday, 14 July 2008
Hare: Forking Dickchair (with added Bangers)
HASHERS: 12 NEWEE: 1 APRES: 3
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Mr & Mrs Smiffo .... tired but happy
Bangers ..... laid and skidaddled
The Count ..... yet another birthday
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Firstly many thanks to everyone that came to the latest in the summer series of southern sojourns for the Hare and Hound Hash House Harriers. A newie made her appearance on the scene in the form of Shannon. Not being shy she proudly declared her age as eleven and a half and she got a boyfriend too… She will no doubt be wearing her new hash T Shirt with pride.
She was keen to berate her elders with cries of ‘Come on Grandad’ to poor old Ringer. Neither he nor anyone else could keep up with the newlywed Smiffo who was FRB up some of the more beastly false routes. Mrs Smifo, a.k.a. Screamer was involved in some sex on the hash by holding hands with her new husband on one of many back checks on this hilly route.
At the end of the hash there was food laid on as Bangers & Madge appeared with a BBQ spread (he had laid the trail but did not actually run it which lead to some not unexpected confusion).
However Thongo declared it to be ‘surprisingly good’. FKA Duck agreed and the temporary RA, Rapid Withdrawal said it was “better than being with ‘investment bankers’ ”. Count Roadkill made his first appearance since his fall although as his birthday fell as well he had a celebratory down down. Lady Pee also had a down down for not displaying the previously awarded good crack.
Nik Nak collected a drink after observing a ‘prickly one’ half way round. Donut was awarded a down down too and other than mentioning Gorjoice who passed on good news regarding White Rabbit it is:
ON ON to the Sportsman in Stopsley.
FDC |
Newee Shannon ... picked up Hashing very quickly
Forking ... doing his "master of all I survey" bit
Shannon - she's alright
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Run No 883: Harlington, The Carpenters Arms
7th July 2008
Hare: Rapid Withdrawal
HASHERS: 9 ANKLE BITERS: 0 APRES: 2 |
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A small, but intrepid bunch of us met in Harlington and despite downpours earlier in the day, the sun was shining and Private Parts quickly took credit for arranging it so. Unfortunately, the trail had been laid the evening before, but having quickly checked, it had survived, even though we would be following a trail of soggy washed out flour.
Even before we circled up, the dream of RA’s everywhere, Forking Dick Chair demonstrated his mathematical skills by announcing that 3 was more than 4. PP duly took note and awarded him a suitable punishment at the end.
The trail set off with Capt F leading the way and, followed by FKA Duck, heading along a footpath past the washed out T. Having been called back and pointed in the right direction it was time to follow the real trail with Shagpile leading the way. What was it about this hash that so many needed a wee break ? First Shagpile, later Donut and then of course, Lady P !
Looping back towards Harlington, the hash crossed the main(ish) road and through the fields. At this point Donut decided to slip on a small bridge across the stream His claim that he would “run off” his injury was treated with our usual respect. We regrouped at the end of a longish track and it started to rain. Nik-Nak announced to the group that the problem with this weather was whether to have her top up or down !
As we headed towards the woods the heavens opened and it was like running through a power shower, there was some shelter in the trees but by this time we were all drenched. It was Capt F with Lewis Hamilton like wet weather skills who adapted to the conditions and continued to lead the way.
We arrived back at the pub, soggy but happy and were well received by all but the local yokel, who took great exception that we were in his pub and that we had dared to sit on his chair. Lady P smiled sweetly and he got the message and went home.
The circle was called and FKA Duck emerged from the village hall where he had been on the verge of joining the local aerobics club. As hare I was awarded a down down – just a half for me, although I was then forced to drink the other half as well. Lady P was awarded her 150 run and promptly got her kit off – Count Roadkill, should she be allowed out on her own ? I’m not sure that the photos will appear on the web site, but it led me to award her the “Good Crack” award… I vaguely remember Capt F being forced to drink, but that extra half fogged my memory from there on.
So next to Dunstable for the continuing summer tour of South Beds.
On On
Rapid Withdrawal |
Forking, every RA's dream
Lady P, got to the negatives first
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Run No 882: Letchworth, The Wilbury
30 June 2008
Hare: Pecker
HASHERS: 21 ANKLE BITERS: 0 APRES: 3 |
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Shagpile .... at light speed
Capt Fantaaastic ..... 500 strokes and not sore!
Scobby-Do - A nasty growth
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(The Wurdz, as received from Pecker - photos taken by Some Frog)
The run was short 1 hour & Pecker got drunk on 1 down down. The end!
(Summing up of Down-Downs awarded)
“O” & 1 Birthday also 2 Anniversary’s; Cardiac & Tarzan who didn’t announce & Flo & overflow. A 500 award to Cpt Fantastic.
Misdemeanors 1 to me for pointing, bog monster for mud slinging, Gorjoyce & Pussy Galore for something. The ball & chain to Cpt Fantastic for being a nice bloke. See you all soon to maintain my 100% record on haring & hashing. Pecker |
Shaggy - Shows a clean pair of heels to bow-legged old Cardiac
Private Parts ... shows off his new reading skill
H5 Quartet - first one to smile is gay
Down-Downs Awared
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Run No 881: Grantchester, Cambridge
Saturday 21 June 2008
Hare: Capt Fantaaaastic
HASHERS: 19 ANKLE BITERS: 4 APRES: 7 |
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Fizzy .... Lost and Found
G-String ..... real Down-Down
Dan Dare braves it
Scooper .... HH?
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The weather forecast said it was going to be bad – real bad. Despite this the numbers camping this year were up on our recent campaigns. Mekon, Fizzy and Split Blox (plus quite a few unwanted travelling companions), Shagpile & Underlay, Anna Pornokova & Seman Staines, Knobber, Hairy Gussett, Scooper & Muddy Waters, Capt F, Tarzan, WWW, Iron Maiden and Geo made for quite a sociable little gathering. Mekon’s Welsh cheese was superb, particularly when washed down by some very dubious port provided by Capt F. Great fun was had watching WWW trying to stand up in Shagpile’s spring loaded legs (you will need to ask Shagpile what the hell I am babbling on about). The BBC weather site was unfortunately spot on and in the middle of the night the heavens opened, at least it sounded like a torrential downpour from inside our tents.
The morning was a bit brighter. At least it wasn’t still chucking it down. Cardiac rang to find out if the event was still on. Hairy Gussett was also showing signs of concern, but as the saying goes, nothing ventured nothing gained and lets face it its only water, so what harm can be done. The great news is that 29 stalwart puntaneers eventually decided to brave the conditions. And weren’t they the lucky ones, because the one thing that I definitely learned is that the river is particularly stunning on a “moist” day. Mekon described it perfectly as “ethereal”.
The trip up river was pretty uneventful. Stallion & Capt F decided to join forces and their two punts went the whole way in tandem. At one spot Amy thinks she spotted an Otter, which surprisingly remained still despite our attempts to get up real close. Maybe Otters and Rabbits have something in common when they get startled. Anyway, it sort of reminded me of that old joke - you know the one that goes “what’s brown and sticky”.
The pace up river was pretty leisurely, but the best news of all was that when we eventually arrived at the picnic spot, everything had already been brought down from the cars (whilst I remember many thanks to Underlay for organising the transport of the goods and chattels from the park-and-ride to the picnic spot). Not having laid the run before hand, might have been a bit of a mistake. It meant that I had to do it whilst everyone else was drinking and eating, but as I was only intending to lay a very short loop, at least I would not be out for long. Despite this, by the time I got back, most of the main courses were fairly depleted. Still at least there were some pickled onions left over, which had been laced with some of Shagpiles special secret ingredient-X. For anyone who was not there, please ask Shagpile for a sample as I am sure that he would happily provide you with a inexhaustible supply.
The GM, eventually calls the circle, and a fairly reluctant group of hashers circle up. Amongst those that decided to decline the run were Tarzan, WWW, Iron Maiden and SAS, Underlay, G-String & Muddy Waters (so consider yourselves named and shamed).
The run was pretty uneventful. At the start Fizzy was seen happily FRB’ing apparently without a care in the world, and obviously unaware that she had somehow slipped away from Dan Dare & Mekon without being noticed, and who by now were frantically searching for her.
The trail was the usual mix of Capt F numbered run-throughs, booby checks and fairly long falsies. At one point of the run the trail split three ways and the hare decides to despatch Smiffo in the direction of the extra-super long false trail (that will teach him to be so fit) and Seaman Staines in the other. At least the delay allowed time for some of the walkers (Flo and Truly Scrumptious), plus Mekon and Dan Dare to catch us up.Did anyone else spot the very attractive dishes that were just visible in the distance? There is a fabulous prize to anyone that can correctly tell me how many there were. Please send your answers with your £5 competition entry fee to my home address.
I am pleased to say that one of our hash traditions was upheld as Private Parts, Knobber, WWW, Scopper, Muddy Waters, Seaman Staines, Matador, Aircon, Dan Dare, Split Blox & Capt F decide to take a swim in the rather bracing river Cam.
First person home was Seaman Staines, who quite deservedly was awarded a down-down by the RA for cumming first and in so doing showing up the rest of the hash. Down-downs were also awarded to the hare, for his excellent run (sic). Shagpile for food contamination, Private Parts for swimming with his socks on, Screamer for continuous and excessive use of double entendres, and finally G-String was given the bucket in order to finish off the beer. Many apologies to all those that I missed out, but I am going to stop now as I fancy a glass of wine with Tarzan
On-On to the Run 882 from the Wilbury (Letchworth) and brought to you by Pecker.
Capt F Ps Is anyone else still aching? |
Capt F ... punting demo
Splitblox picks it up quickly
Private Parts ... who ate all the crumble?
Screamer .. double entendre punting
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Run No 880: The Red Lion, Preston
(Joint with H4)
Monday 16 June 2008
Hares: H4
HASHERS: 21 ANKLE BITERS: 3
ANKLE SPRAINERS: 1 EARLY LEAVERS: 2
H4: Quite a few |
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I know it was another lovely evening, the turnout was again good, the countryside was beautiful (if a bit unforgiving on the hay fever sufferers), I'm sure the trail continued to be excellent after I left it: I assume the Red Lion has maintained it's high standards, and I am very conscious that it was Gorjoyce's 400th and Lady Pee's 150th and it's always good to see our friends from H4. But this isn't about all of that. It's about me - and a little thank-you to my Hash friends. And for the time being I'm Hash Scribe. So it's my call.
I'd arrived back relaxed, refreshed and invigorated by a weekend of peace and harmony spent acclimatising Smiffo and Screamer to their forthcoming marital status (or that's the way Cardiac said Screamer wanted to describe the piss up) and I was looking forward to a Hash. Especially from one of my favourite pubs. And I was sure that Donut would say "Thongo, what would Pongo have thought of that run?" and fairly confident the great man would again use the word "quintessential". And Private Parts had offered the chauffeuring services of Scooby, therefore driving would not be an issue. So all was well with the world.
But then it went downhill.
It all started because Scooby was late - no blame, far from it, I'm just saying - it all started because Scooby was late picking us up. Fun as it was in the freezing cold of his lidless Land Rover - Private Parts even threaten me with a down-down when I bashed my head on the lack-of-roof - but we rattled into the car park to see Stallion and the other back markers heading off in the direction of Preston churchyard. So we jumped off the vehicle and ran after him, and so I didn't remember to take the Hash Camera, and so I didn't end up swanning around taking snaps in the vast rump of the Hash (I recall saying it was like the London Marathon at one point) and so I found myself about as far from the pub as we were going to get and FRBing with Smiffo. Now I'm the first to admit running is not my strong suit - I'm still looking for that -but I think the ill fortune which lead to me stepping on that particular tree stump in that particular narrow footpath, could have befallen any of us.
"Right ankle the size of a football" may be a bit of an exaggeration but it did swell up instantly and I was soon persuaded that my limp into a sunny spot was as far as tonight's Hash would take me. Touched I was by the assistance that came my way. Thanks to Gorjoyce who guided Scooby back to his 4WD (she eventually returned in it standing on the front seat making ambulance siren noises), to Thongo who provided a mobile phone, to Pussies who offered a piggy-back ride to the pub, to Underlay whose logistical help was as invaluable as ever and to Shagpile who walked around mawkishly taking photos. When the Land Rover did arrive Scooby could not resist being Scooby - I think the lack of shiggy had affected him - and insisted in taking a short-cut back to the pub which meant quite a lot of bumpy off-road driving for three times as long as the road route with Gorjoyce shouting at him to turn back. One of my fond memories of the evening and I'm most grateful to Scooby for that as well as taking me to the hospital.
And of course thanks to Lady Pee who stuck with me throughout giving advice, support and assistance and so delaying her own 150th run presentation: indeed it was she who persuaded me that - purely in the interests of my own wellbeing - I was much better off in A&E at Stevenage than The Red Lion at Preston. I take my (Captain's) hat off to her. Anyone who can do that must be a genius. Thanks finally to Forking. For it was only FDC who knew what I really needed as I was driven away from the pub. The taste of that mouthful of beer will live with me for a long while, although Ward 10's offer of the kiss of life was also welcome.
After a couple of tragi-comic hours at Lister I was told that I just had a bit of soft tissue damage - nothing broken as far as they could see - and the treatment for a sprained ankle these days is ...... not much, rest it a bit and use an ice-pack, no strapping, keep it moving to help it heal itself and carry on doing normal things. I didn't ask whether that included starting a 160 mile walk up, down and round the coast of Cornwall on 30 June. I think time will answer that one.
So that's a Scribe's eye view of the first Hash I've been on and missed both circles. Thanks for bearing with me - despite all the fuss I'll be at CAMBRIDGE on SATURDAY 21 JUNE to wish Capt F a Happy Birthday. ON ON.
The Count
PS For reasons too boring to repeat no Hash Pics this week.
So we bring you a few from Screamer and Smiffo's Shag - I think it's called in modern parlance - Weekend. More on Canal Capers |
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