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NEXT RUN was NOT on Mon 23 January |
LEAP YEAR HASH HOUSE HARRIERS RUN #7
Details Here
H5 at RUN #6
THE COUNT IS ARRANGING LUNCH AND PRE-LUBE IN FINE
LONDON PUBS: IF INTERESTED, LET HIM KNOW |
2011 THE YEAR IN PICTURES - SEE PHOTO GALLERY |
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 It is not the function of this august tome to perpetuate tittle-tattle but it has been suggested that a prominent member of Team RA is obsessed with a certain form of portable Turkic dwelling at the very time when our attention has been drawn to the undeniable facts that the hare on 1078 took us out of our way (a long way out of our way) to pass what appeared to be Central Asian nomadic homes, that the Wurdz of 1078 make particular and lengthy reference to this, and that the very next day one of our rival red-tops ran a related story in H5 territory.
This organ will not speculate on the fetishes of a former GM, leaving this to the gutter press, and we will do our utmost to assist him to remain anonymous, but we would urge him to come out as soon as possible and to seek help. |
 Two New H5 T-Shirts. The latest Forking Shirt for whoever upsets Team RA the most (with the obvious exception of Double Entry who would wash it).
A prestigious Hare Shirt for each hare who has hared 5 hashes in a calendar year (from 2011).
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Run 1079
Sunday 29 January 2012
The Bright Star, Peter's Green Hares: The Count & Lady P
HASHERS: 25 ANKLE BITERS: 3 MUTTS: 3 NEWBEES: 1 APRES: 1
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Zebedee looking like a real runner
A fine pair of birthday bums
Lady P .. baked cakes that soon disappeared
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THE LOCATION: Peter's Green was a new one for us as Thongo was kind enough to point out in a complimentary way when asked (he also held held forth on water towers when not asked and the RA pulled him up on it). Landlady Judith made us very welcome and good chips too.
 THE LAYING: G-String's Delusion - the belief that you can hash with two young girls in tow. The Count's Delusion - the belief you can lay a trail with two young girls in tow. And why not? Half way round Emily lost one welly in mud and hopped around in the other for 10 seconds before toppling over in a puddle. And all the way round they argued over who would lay the next blob.
THE ROUTE: The hares chose a laney route and warned of vehicles, but shouts of "petrol" were rare as it happened. When we ventured off-road we found some welcome shiggy - few will be surprised to learn we ran close to a place called Claggybottom.
THE RUNNERS: Despite carrying the FRB award Zebedee looked like a real runner, leaving all but 5-Baah and Mekon behind him until worn down by number checks. None of that for Mekon who went straight to The Bright Star ignoring trail and numbers alike. The Hashit for for Zebedee and the FRB award for Mekon.
THE KNITTING CIRCLE: Ever expanding in H5 and they can only watch the orange flash from afar (that's Z not Lush by the way) - next week a multi-coloured flash in the hashit. Then there is G-String plus two in a buggy: this week expertly catered for thanks to Laney Trail. They and the increasingly lame Shagpile did a full circuit finishing bang on time.
THE HASHERS: Young newbee Evie was introduced by Fizzy and later gave an excellent display of glass throwing as a finale to her first down-down. Submissive and Custard turned out to be a fine pair of birthday bums. Edwina impressed this hare by donating a dust cap for the tyre of his Focus, having noticed it missing last week. What a nice chap. It was good to see occasionals Le Voison and Sludge.
THE APRES: Underlay had cycled 35 miles to be with us (nowt compared to the Lands End to JO'G she has planned for June): shame she couldn't have got up a bit earlier and hashed (can't believe I said that - Capt F will tell me off). Lady P had baked cakes that soon disappeared, hashers donating £9.10 for charity to grab a piece (that's £71.71 in the Cake Makers Charity Pot already).
THE NOVELTY BITS: New this week - the I Love Forking T-Shirt courtesy of the great man's former employers Team RA and awarded to Twiczer (stand-in Hash Flash for the day and snapper of the ones that are in focus) for not attaching minutes to her email. The H5 Hare Shirt was unveiled - to be awarded to hares who have hared 5 times in a year.
THE DOWN DOWNS: Lush, Submissive .. it's becoming traditional to forget what these are for and I'll not break with that.
ON ON TO THE CROWN AT FLITWICK (if the Hares are fit enough?)
THE COUNT |
Thongo .. held forth on water towers
The Hashit for Zebedee
Forking T-Shirt .. awarded to Twiczer
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Run 1078
Sunday 22 January 2012
The White Hart, Campton Hare: Capt Fantaaaaastic
HASHERS: 27 ANKLE BITERS: 5 MUTTS: 7 (seven) APRES: 1 |
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Airscrew's last run for quite a while - H5's Loss is Baltimore's Gain
A view from behind the FRBs
Yurts in Beds - shame Twiczer wasn't around to appreciate them
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Wow! Can it be? Yep! It’s the words for run 1078. ALREADY!
A pretty good turnout, with over thirty runners and quite a few dogs. Five Baah summed this up best when he commented “Did everyone get a dog for Christmas or something”.
It was going to be a long one as it took me two and a half hours to lay the day before. At least the gods were kind as the temperature was pretty mild and it looked like the rain was going to hold off. The route took in some unusual scenery around Shefford. Even those that lived in Shefford were unlikely to have trodden some of this trail.
Elephant spoor, and a couple of new checks were the order of the day.
As the pack set off, Walnut Whip Willy cycles by on his brand new hand-built bike. Everything was going well, with the exception of a loose saddle which was soon rectified.
Thongo thinks that there are only two runs in Shefford (actually four). There is Run A, Run B, Run A backwards and finally Run B backwards. Well oh yee of little faith, let’s try Run C for a change.
After a little dilly dallying, the real trail was found past the church towards Top Farm. Mekon was first at the ladies check and sets off on the correct trail, but somehow does not manage to detect any of the markings and promptly returns. This confuses everyone for a bit, but the pack eventually do decide to take the trail past top farm towards Clophill. The numbered checks do the trick and the usual FRB reprobates (Zebedee, Underlay, Shufflecock etc) get turned back.
Happily everyone gets safely across the A507 and we strike off into the countryside towards the former home of the 1,443 feet diameter AN/FLR-9 Wullenweber antenna array which formed part of the Iron Horse HF direction finding network. This antenna array, dubbed the Elephant Cage, was dismantled in 1996 and was used to listen in to Russian radio communications during the height of the cold war. Where was our antenna anorak (aka Shagpile)? By all accounts he had to exit the run early with an injured foot. It’s a shame as he would have loved his photo taken on one of the “old elephants footprints”. Well that’s quite enough of AA (Aerial Anorak) stuff for now methinks.
Oh, one other thing. I know you all think I love Yurts (Turkish) & Gers (Mongolian) and all that, but was it really necessary for all (at least three) of you to ask me whether or not I thought that the straw silo was a Yurt? Ummm!
Whilst it might have been interesting, the problem with this particular this trail is that there were very few opportunities for false trails and there was no possibility of a short cut either. The consequence of this is that the only way of keeping the pack together is by over use of the numbered checks. That’s why there were so many of them and that’s why Zebedee could be seen ricocheting backwards and forwards between the front and the back of the pack. |
Playing "How many Hashers can you get on an Elephant Footprint"
The Count's Ankle Biter torture clearly fails
Skidmark can relax after turning the rest of the family into wooden mushrooms
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Other events of interest were when Edwina’s dog [lets call him chester for now .. scribe] decided to re-enact a recent viral on You Tube by chasing down a deer that it had spotted in the distance. FENTON the second strikes again!!
I also learnt what those metal bins that you commonly see scattered around the countryside are actually for. My learned friend and pheasant beater Bangers informed us all that they are actually pheasant feeding bins. Who says you don’t learn things on a hash.
Apologies for the length of the run , but here are some stats to contemplate. It was a huge 6.8 miles (over 7 for some of the FRB’s) and took a minimum of 90 mins (nearly 120 in some cases). On the flip side however, it was an opportunity to see some rarely trodden countryside and also to see a little piece of history.
Back at the pub, cookies were provided by Frau, sausage and faggot was supplied by Bangers and some rather chewy (but very nice) nutrition bars were provided by Atomic Titten. Yum yum and thanks to you all.
Down-downs were awarded to Capt F (hare), Capt F and Bangers (for educational enlightenment), Kisses Anytime (lost property), Count Roadkill (lawd knows what [techism .. lawd]), Mekon (no idea), Lost Cause (cos it’s a new tradition). Plus a very important one for Airscrew, who is disappearing off to Baltimore for a wee while. There were plenty of others, but my memory had faded into a hazy drunken mush by the end.
On-On to run 1079 from the Bright Star public house in Peters Green.
Yours affectionately - Capt F |
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Run 1077
Sunday 15 January 2012
The Red Lion, Elstow Hare: Edwina 123
HASHERS: 28 ANKLE BITERS: 2 MUTTS: 3
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GM & G-String wearing the Birthday Hats with some style
There were fine old structures on view
Shuffle endures Submissive tummyrubbing
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Here we are in Elstow, famous for John Bunyan author of The Pilgrim's Progress. My prep started on Saturday evening: a beer in the Red Lion and let the landlord know there will be a pack of runners arriving in the morning. It had to be an early night for me so I could be up at the crack of dawn (around 9am) to go lay trail.
On the day it was bitterly cold, but crisp and clear. Luckily I'd put on warm underpants to avoid ending up like a brass monkey. I'd done my homework and already had a route planned taking in some of the historic sights of Bunyan's Elstow.
Circle up and off we go. First stop 'Moot Hall', built in the 15th century, and then off round the back of Elstow Abbey; originally founded in 1078 it is now the parish church. Now heading out of the village - Oh look, here's The Count heading to the back from a numbered check. Outside the village we finally get off the main road.
Now on to what is known as the "Bunyan Trail", I'm feeling smug because the group is still all together and not too spread out, Oh look, here's The Count heading to the back from a numbered check. Now at a bridge with options of going ahead, left or right - they'll figure it out. Boris begs me to lay her an arrow [after panto friday night she is clearly looking for a lay ... scribe].
There goes Bangers right on trail, and is that Forking going off in completely the wrong direction - it's hard to tell when he's so far away in the distance. A few find themselves on the wrong side of a ditch and have to double back. The Count is in far too much of a hurry for that and does a massive leap across the ditch.
Now on-on to the stone that marks the birthplace of John Bunyan. Oh look, here's The Count heading to the back from a numbered check. A bit further on and now we take the underpass. This place is so very charming with its wonderful artwork. Across the road and now it gets tricky - there are quite a lot of paths going off in all directions and no sign of any flour. There goes Skidmark on the wrong path, and here's G-String with the buggy - how did he get so far ahead of the rest of us? Oh look, here's the Count heading to the back from a numbered check.
Then we finally get to see the "on-inn" and head back along the road past the old houses that date back to the 16th century. History lesson over, now lets have some beer.
On On
Edwina-1-2-3 |
Waiting for Fat Controller waiting for his Pooh Stick
A view from behind the knitting circle
Down-downs for the late gang of 4
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Run 1076
Sunday 8 January 2012
The Wheatsheaf, Tempsford Hares: Donut & Foghorn
HASHERS: 52 ANKLE BITERS: 4 APRES: 8
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Skidmark does everything in style
Hash tests bailey bridge strength
Underlay applies First Aid after Lady P fall
Birthdays for Splinter & Sleepy Hollow
"Why is it the same people every week?"
50 Run Tankard for Biggles
500 Run Mankini for Pecker
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In your Scribe's 'Umble Opinion, the best Hash Day we've ever had in Herts 'n' Beds.
There's a Challenge - can anyone name a Better?
Many Thanks to DONUT, FOGHORN and WARD 10
Scribe (not even late Wurdz have changed my mind on this one)
This run has become an annual event for H5. Is this because of the faaantastic run, the faaantastic hares, the faaantastic food............ or is it due to the fact, everyone wants to annoy a certain local faaarmer!? Who knows........... but what another faaantastic turnout we had!
At 11.15, I arrived in Tempsford (after spending the morning at w... & looking like I wasn’t going to make it!) to the greetings of my old man, Donut, and a map!........... ‘you’re front hare, here’s where we are going’. So, I was briefed up about the hash and what to expect, but not having laid the run, only had the map to go on..........great, lots of running for me today then! L
11.20, local angry faaarmer approaches us and questions us about the run. ‘Are you going through my laaannnd todaaay?, ‘cos I seen sum flour at the bottom of my driiivewaaay’. Naturally, we just shrugged our shoulders and replied, everyone will walk thru’ if we do, but for the first time ever, his yard was only a false trail and after a couple of others, the correct trail was found, through the churchyard towards Blunham. This caused a bit of mayhem at the outset, but did allow the knitting circle to get a head start!
Several numbered ‘fishhooks’ were laid on the trail as the opportunity for checks were minimal. This meant the knitting circle found themselves at the front on occasions and the FRB’s had a few good runs whenever the pack got strung out.
On to a held check by the river bridge, then for some reason Smiffo called a false trail along the east side of the river – evidently, a large blob of flour had been spread out to resemble a T! At least this held up the FRB’s once more. On to a HH check, specifically for Shagpile, as he recently celebrated a special 39th birthday again! He is actually the age associated with the number of Heinz varieties, so we think he should be known as Herr Heinz for the year! After a long straight trail following the river, it was on to a ladies check, then to a much appreciated beer stop [very much appreciated the beers were top notch .. scribe] in Blunham village where Ward 10 was waiting with plenty of liquid refreshment. JJ
Smegmarelda took up the offer of a lift back to the chariots, whilst the hash checked out the trail. Having been informed we were only halfway, Spotted Dick bleated ‘that can’t be right’ as we were still running away from Tempsford. We could only reply and boost morale by saying it was a long run to get everyone’s appetite up for the meal after. Confused hashers were kept guessing and wondered where the trail was leading to, asking more questions – have faith in the hares!
On towards Sandy and an M check by the cycle way, for Mismanagement members. Then on-on to another check by South Mills. The Hash was really beginning to look a bit worried now, Airscrew commenting ‘there’s no way back from here’!
On to a P check where the Count had the chance to do some flashing with his camera – the hash lining up over the bailey bridge. On-on once more, still running towards Sandy. Lady P unfortunately trips on some barbed wire, but it’s Underlay to the rescue with her mobile first aid kit. Through the farmers yard and, what a difference in attitude, he actually put his geese away from sight for us!
Finally, after another check and more falsies, it’s ON-INN via a coach waiting in the lay-by at Sandy, to the delight of ALL!
Back at the Wheatsheaf, its circle up and the Hares get their just desserts! J
Lots of down downs – birthdays for Splinter & Sleepy Hollow; anniversary for Lady P & the Count; 50 run tankards for Karmen Suitsya & Biggles; 500 run award for Pecker; down-downs for Frau, Lost Cause, Skidmark, Forkin,WWW and probably others we’ve forgotten.
On into the pub where an array of helium filled balloons c/w place names, await at each table. Grateful thanks to all the staff for looking after us, especially the 2 main waitresses, Becky and Carla, who love us so much, they wanted to be named! After a briefing from Donut, the RA, Rapid, does the honours, Becky now christened Tree Hugger and Carla, Party Popper.
Many thanks from Ward 10 and Donut for all your support and comments of enjoyment & appreciation.
ON-ON to Run 1077, the Red Lion at Elstow
Foghorn
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Herr Heinz salutes his check
Count the Teasel
A coach back from Sandy .....
Anniversary for The Count & Lady P
Lush adds a splash of colour
50 Run Tankard for Karmen Suits Ja
Tree Hugger & Party Popper named
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Run 1075
1 January 2012
Mardley Heath, Welwyn
Hares: Custard & Spotted Dick
HASHERS: 23 MUTTS: 4 |
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So the first run of a New Year. Just a few hangovers especially Gor-joyce. Spotted Dick and Custard kindly hosted the event at their crib. Capt F advised that they could expect a small turnout so they planned to cater for about 10-15. In the end there was a magnificent turnout of 23 and 4 mutts. No virgins were sacrificed for the New Year, shame. Oops no photos either [Typical - in the absence of both Scribes it goes pointy bits uppards]. Still Fat Controller was over the moon as No27 backs onto the mainline. The pre-lube mulled wine went down a treat and delayed the start by 10 mins. So with a circle up at the end of No27's drive no birthdays or anniversaries it was on on back up to Mardley Avenue. Zeb was off like a mountain goat only to miss the bar check on Mardley Avenue. Meanwhile the main pack had tried the dead end of Mardley Heights only to be called back as the FRBs found the dust down Rosecroft.
The pack gathered and a narrow alley led everyone down to Robbery Bottom Lane. A ladies check was swiftly picked up by Underlay. 100 yards further along an uphill check, carefully avoided by Underlay dragged Zeb and Zing-Along, slowed down the FRBs a little as the pack made its way past the next check towards the Great North Railway line Viaduct. The experienced ones guessed the trail would lead up to Harmer Green Wood by way of the Scout camp track but oops another falsie allowed the Knitting circle of Double Entry, Frau and friends to catch up and take the right up Broom hill into the private estate, plenty of chiggy up here. A split of the pack at the Chestnut Walk junction delayed the regrouping of the pack at the Health check allowing Spotted Dick to trail the whole pack. Custard, concerned over the amount of Hash Nosh prepared, decided to return to conjure up more food for the ravening hoard and Spotted Dick, picking up Zeb and Zing, headed back up Oaklands Rise with Mekon and monsters to pick up the narrow chiggy path into HG Woods.
The Knitting circle were completing a mill about as the FRBs had failed to kick out the check at the entrance to H G Wood. Fortunately the pack were quickly regrouped at the next Health check. All were presented with a glorious view over the valley south towards Welwyn before the check it out sent the pack investigating the 7-way junction. A narrow path to the south just inside the wood led everyone away and split the pack as the FRBs got into their stride. A gallop down the wood was enjoyed by all as no one took the shortcut. An impromptu Health check enabled a catch up and the Hare, S Dick Esq., went completely mad and arrowed the trail as he said check it out. Capt F was not fooled and set off down Turpins Ride towards the old A1. Spot of argument about whether the dust was a bar or an arrow at the main road was cleared up by S D making sure it was an arrow as Zeb again missed the arrow across the pedestrian crossing and had to be hauled back. The sun and run must have gone to his head. The Fat Controller was disappointed that we ran straight past the North Star Pub (North Star being a famous railway engine he undoubtedly wished to regale the pack about). We were, after all, on a shortish run with food beckoning. A further short cut at the last check was studiously avoided by all; no doubt the christmas mince pies were pricking consciences. A quick tour of Mardley Heath paths and the wood at the edge of Mardley Common swiftly brought the pack back to Chez SD&C for a much needed loo break, more mulled wine, the hissing of Custard's pressure cooker and the gentle wafting of baked potatoes.
The circle up was fast and furious with down downs for Mekon (key conflict) & the Hares followed by one of the Fat Controller's strange (sic) stories. So quick was the down down that everyone forgot to award the Hashit toilet seat (now residing in SD&C's dining room). According to the rules [rules? What rules? - Dep. Scribe] I am sure this is an RA Faux Pax. The down downs were curtailed with a grub-up from Custard and the Beef casserole, home made mince pies and tarts were decimated. Underlay strived heartily to finish the Mulled Wine but was beaten in the end; good job Shagpile was driving and on dog watch.
Farewells were said and relief showed on Tyler-dog's face as he had his garden back now that Oscar, Rainbow & Lilly had left.
Spotted Dick & Custard |
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wurdz@h5hashers.org.uk |
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