A lot of H5ivers think I do flip all and take the credit for Lady P's efforts. And who am I to disillusion them?

However in fairness to me, I'm a man with commitments, a man who when he says he'll go to Stoke-on-Trent, jolly well goes there however far that may be into Black Country and whether a trail needs laying or not. But trails don't lay themselves and so it came to pass that the very Lady P was out there by the Great River Ouse [river great ouse i think ... ed] putting down blobs of red flour - red being for fear of white frozen ground - all alone.

And to give the gal her credit - and who could accuse me of never doing that? - a damn fine job she made of it too.

Not that the hash turned out in great numbers to appreciate it. Bangers had Millyspeed dressed up for Christmas, Double Entry had wisely sent a man to check that the trail existed, Gorjoyce came armed with lovely home made mince pies, Rapid was stand-in HM as well as stand-in RA, Golden Globes was a martyr to her usual Sunday hangover, Cyclopath had super Christmassy socks although oh dear they matched, Knobber turned up late, living up to his new trade mark, Bell End Too was even later but had a chauffeuse to blame (Good Head picked him up even later), and Underlay was delightfully callypigous.

But that was it.

And so the diminutive band left Shagpile in charge of Lady P's banquet, plodded off towards Willington, and back towards Blunham and finally reconvened at Jordans to decide that the mislly, cold weather demanded more gluvine and an internal circle. Rapid duly obliged and all seemed well fed, well watered and well satisfied.

Which just left the Wurdz and you may have noticed them appearing late. Well I blame the bloke that's supposed to chase for them. Does flip all and takes the credit for Lady P's efforts.

ON ON

THE COUNT