Well it didn't bode well when one of the hares, the 'ever punctual' Subby, arrived flustered and ratty having been unable to find the pub for the previous 20 minutes. The hash circled up with Maureen's sister, Sue, identified as a newbie and Pongo responsible for any misdemeanours she might enact. The hares identified the usual hazards but also included an Olympic theme where prizes would be on offer for activities on the trail such as figure skating, weight lifting, hurdles, limbo, hockey and triple jump.
With the pleasantries completed the hash led on out across the first of many very muddy, sticky fields. At the first number check, The Count was quick to claim his exemption (although he had left it back in the car [a technicality .. scribe]) and Bangers followed suit with his non-hash-approved-exemption [a liberty .. scribe]. Chris, of much younger years, was less polite in his refusal of this check. The usual FRBs in the form of Walnut Whip Willy, Willy Warmer, Depth Charge and Rapid begrudgingly obeyed, not enjoying the weight lifting through the shiggy collecting on their trainers.
Shagpile led on to the next held check from where a number of fishermen got upset by their tranquil day being spoilt by fine hash voices shouting, "on on". Across the next muddy field, Captain F had a practise [see me after school for spelling lesson .. scribe] run at the triple jump where he almost lost a shoe to the suck of the shiggy. While most hashers circumnavigated a low slung chain, Gorjoyce went for the high jump but left her foot behind and turned the move into a balletic arabesque! While playing with the traffic, Subby made clever use of a dumped Christmas tree branch and flicked a good dollop of shiggy from her boot, hockey style, which was bravely blocked by newbie Sue..... splat, on her right shoulder!
The route led in to Houghton Conquest where a short cut was provided for the walkers whilst the remaining hashers followed a hilly, slippy loop through the Kings Wood. Even the FRBs refused a number check at the top of a particularly steep hill on grounds of Bob not being available for them to BOBsleigh back down the hill in the shiggy. However, they were keen to encourage Forking to take a spin and practise [that's better ... scribe] his figure skating. On finally leaving the woods, he did manage a reasonable limbo performance under a fallen tree.
Heading on back towards the pub through the fields at the base of Houghton House, the pack had spread out. Fortunately, the worst of the shiggy was over so no further contenders for the Olympic awards were found. However, there was considerable dissension from within the knitting circle with regard to the shortest way back to the pub but Hare Subby stuck to her guns and insisted on the route that Underlay had prescribed the day before! Where did the name Submissive come from anyway? (Peacher's thinks it should be 'Bombastic')
Back at the pub, a wonderful meal was had with a quiz provided by Shagpile. Down downs were given to the hares, Walnut Whip Willy for achieving 250 runs, Chris was named Camel Toe, Forking given a beer for no reason at all and Double Entry and Blow Felt for their great organisation and games. Thanks were also given to Maureen for the table decorations which were then auctioned for charity. Prizes were also given to the previously identified hashers for their sporting prowess.
On on to Rapid and Golden Globes' pad,
Underlay & Submissive
It was indeed a super lunch, organised to perfection by a hard working pair well known for just that, and enjoyed by all 47 that sat down including a rare appearance from H5 doyenne White Rabbit. Shagpile's shopaloholic quiz and the game were great. DE says:
Our game featured two short fun rounds, neither of which would have been possible without our fantastic participants Depth Charge, Lost Cause, Knobber, Rapid, Lush Big Knickers (or Lady Big Knickers as the staff seemed to call her), Subby, Golden Globes and Boris who gave a lot of thought to providing great answers which entertained us all. They were the stars of the show!
The male hashers were asked "If you could be any hasher who would you be and why?" and the harriettes "If you could be renamed what would you choose as your new hash name and why?" Each table had to guess who gave which answer. New proposed hash names consisted of Bootie Queen, Rear of the Year, Princess Layer and Rub'er Pussy. The latter should perhaps be expanded on - the why "due to having a penchant for rubber (dresses and tractor tyres) and cats".
And male hashers wanted to be (snippets from the full replies): Fat Controller – as he is a glam rock god and has kisses any time; Count – gorgeous cakes to sample from the delightful Lady P and a get out of jail free pass; Blow Felt – who can hide a marrow down his trousers without anyone noticing (run 1326) and attracts Pussies Galore!; Peacher's as he gets to play with Oscar's puppies every day. There were a few "false trails" along the way of who they wouldn't be, with Forking and Underlay featuring more than once……the reason regarding Underlay relating to having to be with Shagpile!
When setting something like this you get a little insight into what the participants may have been like at school: Depth Charge and Golden Globes – exemplary pupils, submitted their homework well in advance of the deadline – Grade A +.
Knobber – sought clarification of his interpretation of the essay question before putting pen to paper and submitted his homework the night before the deadline – Grade A.
Subby – was reminded on deadline day but submitted her answer straight back – Grade A.
Boris – had totally forgotten about her homework and had to be given an extension – Grade B.
Lush – had to have an extension and extra tuition – Grade B.
Lost Cause and Rapid – even missed the extended deadline! Had to be reprimanded and given detention. And Lost Cause a school teacher too, tut tut!
And to end with two points.
Firstly memo to self: maybe think twice about asking Boris in future...as an unfortunate paper jam occurred whilst printing Boris's proposed new name of "Rub'er Pussy" on the work printer!
Secondly we hope you get well soon Peacher's.