Run 1252

Sunday 29 March 2015

The Vicar's Inn, Arlesey

Hares: Skidmark and G-String

HASHERS: 15  ANKLE BITERS: 2  MUTTS: 1  APRES: 2

In the Court of Common Hashery
before Justice Count Roadkill and Inquisitor Ringer

H5 vs G-String

Judge: Usher, if you please
Usher: [shouting] 'ash 'ush!!
Judge: Thank you. Clerk, please read the charge [Leroy's bugle blows the First Post – like the Last Post only earlier]
Clerk: Into the valley of death rode the 600...oh, no, sorry, that was a previous Charge. Prisoner at the bar [mine's a pint], you are charged that during the week commencing Monday, you did wilfully commit Wurdicide in that you neglected The Wurdz, being your account of Run 1252. How do you plead?
G-String: I can explain...
Judge: Silence, you'll have plenty of time to explain after I've passed sentence. Is the prosecution ready?
Prosecutor: I am my Lord. I call my first witness, Defective Sgt Jack. Sgt Jack, did you investigate the scene of the crime?
Jack: I did sir.
Prosecutor: And what did you find?
Jack: Bugger all sir. I sent in our best investigators, Milly, Tilly, Lilly & Oscar. They sniffed methodically around the Words page but found absolutely nothing from the accused.
Prosecutor: Thank you Sergeant, you may jump down. Next I call G-String. [the accused whimpers as he moves from the dock to the witness box]
Prosecutor: I put it you that you are guilty as charged.
Judge: You must not ask the witness leading questions.
Prosecutor: I apologise my Lord. G-String, would it be fair to to say that you are not innocent?
G-String: Oh perfectly fair sir. [gasps from around the courtroom]
Judge: I've heard enough. You admit your guilt?
G-String: Yes my Lord but it was because of w***
Judge: W***? Who is this W***?
G-String: I cannot say my Lord. I am bound by the Officious Secrets Act.
Judge: Then I must sentence you. Is there any previous known?
Clerk: Yes my Lord. The accused was found guilty of the same offence only last year after Run 1205 [see Run 1205 report].

Judge: G Hyphen String, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual muppet, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will... [insert your sentence here dear reader]

How Rapid did 1252