Run 1234

Sunday 30 November 2014

The 3 Horseshoes, Hinxworth

Hares: Lady Penelope and The Count

HASHERS: 25  APRES: 1  MUTTS: 3

Offsted and Out, the Channel 5 reality show, was always a bit of a gamble for the H5 Skool. If we were voted through, the gates could open on a new source of much needed funds for cakes, the RA's self-down-down kitty etc. But to be kicked out would be a cruel blow to the growing reputation of Miss Submissive and her plucky band of dedicated volunteers.
We decided to go on that journey.
It was a bright and sunny morning and the Lady from Offsted (really, she claimed to be a Lady: aren't these petty bureaucrats jumped up little.. but I digress) was bang on time, and she brought us some special cakes. I asked if she had it wrong, wasn't I meant to be bribing her, and she said that wasn't very funny. I said it wasn't meant to be and told the kids they had better be polite about the cakes or they would get a clip.
The kids started pretty well as it goes, and nearly all turned up on time, even Nik Nak: and she kept her stocking tops to herself, which is more than you can say for Underlay, who obviously wasn't told that hockey has been switched to Wednesdays. Double Entry brought a note from her Mum excusing her from school uniform but not saying why: she can see me in my office after school. As can Peacher's Tit who for some reason no doubt connected to his illicit relationship with Miss S, was dressed as a nun with a moustache: on second thoughts do I really want to see him?
But when it came to answering four vaguely mathematical questions they went to pieces. Edwina thought he would come up with a new theory on relativity instead. Blow Felt and his cronies managed to come up with 3 correct answers but didn't get to the "Q" check in time to receive the fourth question. It didn't look good, and so it was to prove.
There was to be no fairy tale ending. The TV audience was a respectable 17, three of whom voted. Unfortunately only one – presumably DE's Mum – voted for us and we were thrown onto the scholastic scrap-heap.
It only remained for the Head of Religious Education to impose some discipline upon this wayward rabble, words which I say with a large degree of sarcasm. His main achievement was the naming of Peacher's Tit, which may well have been a sensible name but he was shouted down by a group of breast fetishists.
On on to Roxton
Head Master

How Underlay Minor did 1234