Run 1199

Sunday 30 March 2014

Village Hall, Toddington

Hares: Nik Nak and Rapid Withdrawal

HASHERS: 13  ANKLE BITERS: 2  MUTTS: 1  NEWBEES: 3

A resident of Toddington writes...
It has been brought to my attention, that on Sunday their was a hair and dog race around the village, set by one who calls himself Rapid Withdrawal assisted by Nik Nak. I know little of what the youth of today call sport, but here in Toddington, twinned with Kensworth, population 1687, we prefer carpet bowls, not lying in the car park of the village hall pretending to sleep with a dog, Leroy.
I gather that the trail set off past the school and headed out towards the manor, a fine example of architecture, previously the domicile of Sir Neville and Lady Bowman-Shaw, or Blow Felt and Pussies as they are known at the weekend. However, the trail turned back on itself, fooling all, before re-treading it's steps past the school and down the high street. Ringer even took time to converse with one of the locals and to check on the health of the accompanying dog. (You never know what a dog can pick up whilst walking in the countryside).
Clearly Held checks set in white flour fail to be noticed, so for future hair races I suggest you colour the flour, blue is particularly visible I am told from friends in the twinned village, that way you will prevent the pack running as far as the petrol station. I understand that hair Nik Nik even forgot that she was taken up the back passage the day before. I know I wouldn't. And what a back passage it was, tight with only room for one at a time, before the group found it's way to the Glebe, where once again the Held check was missed.
Ringer known for his style found an unusual one leading into the nature reserve, but most were fooled at the next check as they searched in the shrubbery. Indeed Forking decided to look for the bull in the field, which I am led to believe makes a welcome change from his bull in the circle. Having crossed the lake (a small puddle by the stream, a result of climate change on Toddington – a committee has been formed to consider flood defences and meets every Thursday at the village hall, all welcome, tea and cakes available – similar to H5 I'm told, just a different day).
Finally a flash mob were reported to have descended upon the gentile folk of Alma Farm, with fanfares and gaiety. I gather that Lady P was a little squiffy, the norm for this area is 2 gins diluted by 3 parts tonic rather than lager I will have you know.
At the village hall, the circle was called, interrupting the tranquillity of Lent, before more beer was consumed and awards presented. I have no idea what Rapid's Rod is, and quite frankly, I would not want to get MY hands on it.
Finally I have received reports of some odd fellows at the Oddfellows, one a traveling minstrel was heard playing a catchy ditty. Child Protection have been warned as I believe he was trying to lead the youth of Toddington to Kensworth to engage in some mischief or other.
The flour will be monitored and we have a dedicated group of professionals watching it on a daily basis to establish if it goes gloopy or just fades after a few days. Quite frankly, Toddington is not the place for this unruly group, indeed, nor is Bedfordshire, and I understand that next week they relocate to Datchworth. Good luck to those poor people.
PS We are arranging a group outing to visit Fat Controller currently residing at Her Majesty's pleasure. Donations of cake and artists materials would be most welcome.

How The HARE did most of 1199