Run 1179

Sunday 17 November 2013

Chez Kisses, Dunstable

Hares: Ringer and Fat Cont

HASHERS: 15  MUTTS: 3

The Blue and White Magical Alleycat Run – or, is it possible to get a Pack past a well-known pub?

Chapter 1. The Conversion. As I awoke, it dawned on me that Ringer had done something to me that Kisses Anytime had been trying to do to me for ages. Getting me out of bed early on a Sunday morning!
As you well know dear reader, there has been (unbeknownst to me) a H5 mismanagement conspiracy to 'rein me in'. As part of this devilish plot, Ringer gave me some feeble excuse that he could not set the run as per usual on Saturday, and so I reluctantly agreed on Sunday. I'd been hooked! At 08:30hrs my subliminal conversion to H5 ways started. Ringer's next ploy was to ask me to lay the trail in white flour, and use H5 marks. The former, I refused, the latter (for some unknown reason) I accepted. "How long's the trail F.C.?" he asked. "I've cut it down to 7 kliks." I replied. "And, to save time, we could lay half each, and meet at Dogsh1t Alley, and be back before 10:30!" I continued cleverly. "Nah! We'll lay it together, I can do the falsies and back checks whilst you do the main trail." For some reason I agreed, and off we went. Just on an hour later whilst laying the falsies at the Dogsh1t Alley check, Ringer looked at the map, looked at his watch then looked at me, and said "Looking at what we've got left to lay, we ain't gonna get back before quarter to, F.C.; we need to cut it shorter." I trembled. Then thinking of Kisses Anytime 'working her fingers to the bone' at home getting the post hash grub ready I reluctantly condescended.

Chapter 2. The Going's On – On!
Pussies Galore and Blowfelt were first to arrive, closely followed by a scruffy grey Ford KA, the inhabitants of which were 5 Baah and his mutt Tilly. He must have had trouble with his Avatar Link Unit, and had to come himself, instead of sending Leroy and Jack, his genetically matched hash hybrids. (You never see the four of them together.) Finally, Lady P (wanting a pee) and Count Roadkill made the unusually hash brat free ensemble. Capt. F led the Circle and told some silly jokes about 'Salty Norman'. After what seemed an eternity, we were off through the dead centre of town, through 'Left Hand Shakers' Alley', to a check by Bennett's Rec. Eventually On On was called down Friar's Walk. Suddenly, Bangers shouted "Stop at number 14!" Was he offering a Beer Stop? No! But it was a BS of sorts, but to our disappointment – no beer. Instead, we had the pleasure of waving to Brenda!

On led via the narrow medieval and wee-smelling alleyways near Ashton Square, to strange white markings in Priory Gardens. You may remember dear reader from my Run 1175 Wordz that local knowledge is a dangerous thing, and that it and Bangers go together like Bangers & Madge! Listening intently to Bangers' history lesson of the Priory's last 800 years, Capt. F quipped; "Was it because Katherine of Aragon wouldn't eat her consommé soup served to her by the Monks in the Refectory that Henry VIII annulled their marriage here?" Then Bangers dropped his 'bombshell'. "We're going to have a tour of the Busway now!" Ringer and I looked at him in dismay. "No, no! We're going up Blows Downs." I retorted. "Likely story! I saw the marks along the busway this morning when I cycled over to Houghton Regis!" he smirked.

Shufflecock and the Count front ran the first stretch of the Busway only to catch the first 6 fishhook, much to the cunning Ringer's delight. Dejected, Shuffle ran to the back of the Knitting Circlers, whilst the Count loitered on the brow of the road bridge, as both Shuffle and the Knitters approached him. Then, feigning a jog to the rear, with a smug grin he ran on. The guile of the man! On past the next bus stop (where a few hash winos were waiting for a bus to The White Lion) we all arrived at the Holding check at Dogsh1t Alley. As we waited for the stragglers, I apologised for the distinct lack of guided busses, and how disappointed I was that I could not explain how they worked. Upset by this lack of important information with which to enrich her techno-siblings, the gadget-stricken Subbie wanted to know more of how the Busway worked, but having been newly converted into H5 ways, I could no longer contemplate boring the pants off her! I don't know why, but there were lots of sighs of relief?

As we passed Forking's kennel, there appeared to be lights on but nobody in. Bangers' errant son was watching men playing with their balls, so the cunning Ringer put down a BS to fool him on his return. Crossing the busy A5 I saw the front-running Shuffle enter Winfield Street, at the top end of which dear reader, is the renowned Globe Inn. Knowing that he didn't know the area, I watched him. Then, as he approached the pub he raised his arms and stopped outside the door. Dilemma! No BS! "Are we going in F.C?" "No!" I replied. "I'm converted to H5 ways, so no beer stops on my runs anymore!" "I thought you could have arranged for third of a pint glasses F.C.?" Capt. F whined. Had I managed to get the pack past a pub? No! Lights were on, and people were in, so (with not a penny between us) we entered. "I've taken the pledge. I'll have a half of that fine Porter please!", the Count replied when asked what he would like. To which Ringer responded, "Does that mean Port?"
On – Inn!

Chapter 3. The Aftermath!
All back safe and sound to the bijou Chez Kisses, 'Circle Up!' was called and Down Downs awarded, but 'Stars of the Show' were 5 Baah and Ringer! 5 Baah was called into the Circle. Capt. F told all that 5 Baah had the distinction of being on the first H5 run all those 1178 runs ago, and now he was being presented with his 400th Run Award of a lovely waterproof jacket, and Ringer, who had joined H5 some years after 5 Baah, was awarded his 500th Run Award that is a wonderful lifelike caricature of the man himself in hash attire and yellow dust dispenser in hand!

Epilogue. If only 5 Baah had taken the bother to get genetically closer matched hybrids he could, by now, have been awarded both his 400th and 500th Run Awards, thus he would not have been usurped by Ringer; and mismanagement would have been none the wiser! As for me, 'recidivism' is my middle name!

ON – ON!

How The Count did 1179