Sunday 14 October 2012
The Fancott, Chalton, Toddington
Hares: Fat Controller & Kisses Anytime
HASHERS: 17 ANKLE BITERS: 1 MUTTS: 2 APRES: 1
FC: "The trains aren't running today"
GM makes a swift exit
The Hash...and other animals
FDC learns [hmm, perhaps] not
to wear a Hare shirt if you're not a hare
Oim writin theeze wordz in The Stag and Hounds pub in Brizzol (Bristol), and seeing az a 'Stag' iz quarry for the hounds az iz a Hare, then oi feel quoit at home! (Funny how the local accent rubs off on one so quick?)
Anyway, Sunday awoke, and despite the absence of an RA, it was a bright, sunny autumn morning. Arriving at the pub early Kisses and I were surprised to find that Underlay had beaten us to it. More later!
Shortly after, the rabble started to arrive including Forkin' Dick Chair in his newly vandalised chariot. "Bloody Luton Football Club hooligans" (low caste 'untouchables' to you and me dear reader) he told us as he tried to fix his dangling off-side wing mirror back on its mounting. Now, the night before, at the Murder Mystery evening Nik Nak, who was heard to exclaim that she was really pleased that the venue was "just up the road from where I live, so I won't be late tomorrow" was one of the last to arrive! Harriettes!!
Circle Up was called and Shufflecock took on the role of RA [erm HM I think you mean FC, which he already is, isn't he?: Asst Scribe], then we were off into the sweeping desolate wilds of Fancott 'twixt M1 and A5. The trail was easily found running down the side of the pub, and the FRBs headed off (who said "head"?) over two field stiles onto the first check in a ploughed field and a falsie that lead 90% of the pack into the nearby wood! "How can they be so gullible?" I thought as I chuckled at the shouts emitting from said wood. Ha haa! After the debacle had been sorted, Ringer soon found the trail that lead through a beautiful fenced pathway where the senses were stimulated by the local ambience which reminded me of a childhood song by the bucolic Burl Ives.
Oh, the buzzin' of the electricity from the local sub-station
Threading our way through the back passages of the little South American village of Chalton we passed a herd of cute Alpacas (someone told Skippy that they were giraffes!) the trail went up the ridge to where a holding check was found on the Chiltern Way. As we all got our breath taking in the grand views before us Pongo asked where Houghton Regis was, then as its location in the near distance was being pointed out to him he asked: "Is it twinned with Bognor Regis?" What a 'Ponce Regent'! Now, everyone knows that there are plenty of Taj Mahals that are based on the Brighton Dome in the Luton and Milton Keynes area, but twinning Houghton with Bognor – Nah?
From here the trail led through Mucha Horsepoopoo, and then turned right to hit the plains of the magnificent River Flit. When laying the trail, it was here that Kisses told me that we had forgot to put down any fish hooks, so I backtracked and put down a lovely 6! Now, dear reader, you should have heard the language when the FRBs found it! Ha haa! Whilst trekking across the pampas a herd of Llamas was encountered who looked curiously on as we looked curiously on at them.
The 'On-Inn' was eventually found on the Toddo Road and all eventually gathered up in the carpark. Then, Limp appeared!
Eventually, 'Circle Up' was shouted and Shufflecock called Kisses and I into the Circle for our down-downs, and then it all became clear why Underlay had been early for the run. Apparently, Private Parts has been laying Underlay recently! Was it because his performance hadn't been that good that she was early? Does Shagpile know? Will PP suffer a nasty rash of van aerial disease? Watch out for next week's exciting episode!
Best thing about the Circle was being able to award the 'Hashit' to Limp for not partaking in a painstakingly laid trail by Kisses and me, but we thank those not mentioned in the text: Bangers, Depth Charge, Double Entry, Frau Krafty Rot, Knobber, Lady P, Pussies Galore, Submissive, and Hash mutts Madge and Oscar for partaking.
Oim arf down town now to a little jazz venue to listen to The John Pratt Trio! Oh errr!?
ON - ON! To infirmity and beyond!
Especially for him, but where was he?
Houghton Regis, twinned with Bognor Regis
Hash Mattress Techno-sins
Limp: "But I was only Apres!!"