Run 1088

Sunday 25 March 2012

The Red Lion, Milton Bryan

Hares: Fat Controller & Kisses Anytime

HASHERS: 20  MUTTS: 2  GING GANG GOOLIES: A FEW

Rat poison, beer and sunlit uplands!
"Pongo! Breaking with tradition, I ask you what do you think today's run will be like?" Rapid Withdrawal asked having stepping into the vacuum of our illustry(1) lusty(2) lustreless(3) GM Private Parts. "Hmm? Yes, I think it will be a fine and sunny run!" Pongo replied, as a beaming smile spread across his face.
And what a fine, sunny morning it was too. The Red Lion, bathed in the morning sun, shone a positive warm welcome as did Ian, the manager and his staff as they counted our gathered pack in the car park. Ringer, who had been camping it up for the night locally (and you thought that Rapid Withdrawal was the campest in the pack!) turned up with Legs 11 and the rest of his motley ging gang goolie campers. God knows what they'd been up to all night, but they looked pretty tired as they all woggled off towards Dunstable. Then Shuffle and Frau arrived! Jeered in for being late, Frau made the vain excuse that the satnav was wrong, but we all knew they'd forgotten to reset their clocks! Before we go any further dear reader who missed the run, I must inform you that Capt. F then told a rather good joke about nuclear physics! (Sounds like bullsh1t to me)
"Right, any birthdays, or anniversaries?" The pack shuffled and muttered. "No? OK, hares in the middle!" and in we stepped.
Big cheers went up when I said that there was a beer stop, and Kisses Anytime warned about the fields with cute little new born lambs in, and so ON - ON!
Leroy, Forking and a few others decided to check out the false trails, but Lady P spotted the finger post in the far corner of the green surrounding the pond, and all eventually followed her as she front run across a field to the first farm where a rather irate farmer was seen to be waiting.
"They tell me it's your fault." He shouted at me as I approached. "What's the matter?" I coyly asked trying to defuse the grumpy old git. "I've got a new puppy and he came in yesterday with blue powder all round his mouth. I thought it was rat poison!" etc: bloody farmers!
Anyway, by the time I'd extricated myself from his verbal clutches the frbs with Depth Charge in the van were way down the field towards the first check. When we laid the trail, I realised that it was going to be a fast one, the ground for the time of year being very dry underfoot, but it was only when I caught up with Double Entry and she asked me why she hadn't seen any fish hooks so far that I realised Kisses and I had forgotten about laying them. Across more sun baked fields the frbs now joined by late cummer Edwina 123, streaked, with Leroy's horn calling us laggards and knitting circlers on towards the awaiting cool shade of the woods where a neat dog leg led out to open savannah and on to the Beer Stop.
That old Noel Coward song: 'Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun' came to mind as I arrived at the Beer Stop. Hash mutts Madge and Oscar were thirstily slurping at bowls filled with water, as the frbs were cracking open the cans of beer and handing them round for all to drink the welcome hash nectar.
Guided through the lambing field, the ensuing false trails in the woods thankfully slowed the frbs down considerably much to my glee, as falsie after falsie caught them out. Then, as we left the last check in the woods, Pongo muttered we are going to "move forward into broad, sunlit uplands!" an immortal phrase from Churchill's famous speech. Clever clogs (or words to that effect, I said to myself) whilst complimenting him on his historical knowledge. And so we did!
The tractor tyre marked straight trail across the arid Transvaal proved a bit of a problem for Bangers, Forking and Roadkill, who wandered aimlessly on unmarked trails just feet away from the blue. It must have been sunstroke! The next holding check held the pack on the Eversholt road, and then it was On-Inn across a few paddocks and back to the pub for welcome beers, a chat and grub.
Le Voisin and Depth Charge could not stay for the Circle, but it was performed in traditional style with Bangers and Double Entry being awarded with their 150 Run Hash Holdalls. Forking and Bangers were given down downs for parent / child insubordination. Submissive and Count Roadkill had complained about getting bad bramble scratches on their legs and so were given iron rich Guinness down downs as an act of hash kindness at considerable expense, to replace the let blood.
Lady Penelope was awarded the Ball & Chain for front running, and Edwina 123 was awarded the mouse eaten Multi-coloured Hashsh1t for arriving late.
Thus ended the first hash after the Spring equinox!
ON ON TO ODSEY
FAT CONTROLLER
p.s. Most of the story is pure conjecture held together by the merest whisper of fact.
p.p.s. illusty(1) Illustrious - I don't think so?
p.p.p.s. lusty (2) Apparently he was within an assignation!
p.p.p.p.s. Lustreless (3) - he always looks a bit jaded of late. (see p.p.p.s. above)