Run 1071

Sunday 4 December 2011

The Red Lion, Studham

Hares: Ringer and The Fat Controller

HASHERS: 17  ANKLE BITERS: 2  MUTTS: 4  APRES: 1

It may have been said before but length is important: six may be average, but seven or even an eye-watering but satisfying eight kilometres might be stretching things a bit for some Hashers/ Harriettes. Such were the considerations discussed between the Hares during the pre-lay meet at a well-known spherical watering-hole in deepest Dunstable. A plan was made and then executed midday/early afternoon Saturday. What a glorious day it was, a real joy to be out laying and with the prospect of a glass or two of London Pride on completion of the task in hand.

Sunday morning presented a different face: cold, a chilly breeze and no sign of the sun that warmed us the previous day - even Mini-FC decided he was under-dressed and would prefer to remain indoors thank you very much, as did the gentleman parts of Forkin' DC when he emerged from Bangers 'n' Madge's car clad in shorts. With Underlay off on a cycling marathon - 56 miles I believe - Shagpile, arriving solo but encumbered by Rainbow (who seems to have gained a lot of weight recently) and Lilly (bless 'er), told us all a stupid joke about a suicidal steam train lover...

Quarter of an hour to the off and telling-bones started ringing from frustrated Hashers stuck in the traffic that had ground Dunstable and the surrounding roads to a standstill. Blame it on the builders of train lover FC's 'pet hate' - The Luton & Dunstable Busway. Grrr!

Promising to leave arrows for the late-comers - clan G-String and Nik-Nak - the main pack set off across Studham Common, and on to a beautiful long falsie. Ha ha! Then, heading for the first check (who said 'head'?) - Disaster! Despite our many jokey conversations with the locals whilst setting this glorious trail that we were 'only laying dog poison' - we found that some idiot had taken us seriously, and kicked the marks out!

A plentiful supply of shiggy was on offer en-trail and soon claimed two victims: Capt Fantaastic and Boris! The former with an iffy knee and the latter, who normally sports a nicely turned ankle, now had an awkward one.

No sign of the aforementioned G-String, Skidmark, or Nik-Nak yet though.

The trail led round some glorious fields, woodland and other quacking elements of countryside, barely encountering any roads. The rather smaller than usual Knitting Circle, comprising Shagpile, Rainbow and Lily were accompanied on their own version of the run by Kisses Anytime, who had insider knowledge of where we were going. Despite putting in a good selection of checks, some of the lengthier stretches needed fish-hooks to rein in the pack a bit - and a good job we did too. What were they on? The front hare had real difficulty keeping in touch with the FRBs, especially Five Baah, Capt F, Count Roadkill ... and Lush BK - well run that harriette. Whereas the back hare had no difficulty at all keeping up with back marker Double Entry, who like Lush BK was also sporting a fine pair of furry muffs ear muffs. (how do they hear with those things?)

A beer-stop had been promised and a beer-stop there was, the necessary being skilfully hidden in some bracken, but finder Fantaastic rooted it out with equal skill. There then followed the usual banter, and for entertainment we had Forking DC mooching up and down to the check (like a lost sole) to see if there was any sign of the late-cummers (No chivalry on the hash!), and another stupid joke told by Shagpile about two drug addicts who had run out their usual fix and decided to use curry powder instead -------- He also brought news that G-String had given up and retreated to the pub as the Mini-Skidmarks² were grumbling about the cold. STILL no sign of Skidmark or Nik-Nak though. The trail then headed over to Longrove before taking a direct path back to the On Inn. The front runners clocked in at 12.18 GMT having covered some 4¼ Imperial miles (6.8 kilometres), excluding false trails of course. NOW Skidmark and Nik-Nak magically appeared and berated the front Hare AT LENGTH with tales of missing arrows, confusing marks, no flour etc etc etc - I told you at the start it was all about length!

Then, just as FC was approaching the pub G-String complete with Mini-Skidmarks² in the Off-road brat chariot, appeared from the Markyate road. He hadn't given up! With heavy pants, he told FC that he had started to follow the trail but the chariot got bogged down in the mud, so he decided to make his own trail up! Resourceful? Or, what!

With new GM PP et al away in Germany Rapid Withdrawal let the power go to his head (and again?) and conducted the opening circle, the closing circle and the RAing! Unfortunately, Capt F and few other needed to head off (someone said 'head' again) early, and so, a small, but perfectly formed closing circle was made in the pub beer garden. There were no birthdaze, anniversaries or other celebratory functions and it got a bit boring until Rapid finally awarded Down-downs to the Hares. Bangers would only own up to being half responsible for his now redundant offspring's behaviour. There followed sundry other amusing Down - Downs! Then - surprise! G-String FINALLY brought back the 'Hashit Of Many Colours' that had been in his possession for at least 5 years and awarded it to our 'Harriette Of Many Colours', Lush BK (see exclusive modelling photo session below). Sadly it has suffered in the interim from the ravages of mouse but perhaps can be repaired - by the Knitting Circle?

On-On to Posh Nosh next Saturday and the morning-after hash chez G-String on Sunday.

Fat Controller & Ringer