Run 1060

Sunday 25 September 2011

Stockgrove Country Park
(Joint with MKH3)

Hares: Leroy, Rapid and Semi

HASHERS: 16  MUTTS: 2  APRES: 5 Plus a few from Milton Keynes

"Don't worry Rapid, I know Stockgrove Park like the back of my hand". More of this later.
"Don't worry Rapid about car parking, there will be loads, there is a top car park and plenty of room on the road". More of this later.
"Don't worry Rapid about setting the trail, we'll get my old mate Semi to help". More of this later.
Now read on...
Stockgrove Park. An ideal setting for a trail, numerous intersecting paths and plenty of options for an interesting trail. Well, Leroy should know this, he has set many a Hash from the main car park and every trail has headed off to different parts of the wood. We set a time to meet on Saturday: 2:45 at Leroy's; 3:00pm at the Park. Plenty of time for Rapid's much needed beauty sleep. Leroy and I parked up and prepared to set off, but still no Semi. Later, when we returned, we were to find a note on Leroy's car. He was late and had run around for 1 hour but had found no trail. Worried? No, PANICed, Yes.

But in the end there was no need to worry or panic. A healthy turnout, well outside the normal mid Beds sweet spot and everybody managed to park somewhere, although we might have suggested an alternative car park if White Rabbit had arrived. We soon discovered that Leroy's Stockgrove Park knowledge had been stretched by a rename to Rushmere and the 80 acres had been clearly subjected to Wegener's theory of continental drift. Actually, were you to Google a picture of the late great, Alfred Lothar Wegener, you could describe him as knobbly and rough, exactly as Lady P described the aforementioned Leroy.

Anyway, after a few words from the hares, who muttered something along the lines of "...making it up as we go along..." the intrepid bunch of highly motivated and supremely fit athletes set off into the woods. All apart from the few who were still en route, Submissive, CRK, Lady P, Le Voisson and Nik Nak. I knew Submissive was going to be late as she had taken to calling me every 2 minutes after she initially warned me she was late rising, having got shedded the night before. Twenty odd calls in twenty minutes? She will be hacking my voicemail next.

The trail headed off in the opposite direction to the Fat Controller route earlier this year and quickly we were heading along well defined paths marked with the odd spot of flour. To ensure the latecomers could follow, arrows were left at strategic points - sometimes even pointing the right way.

As a hare, flour is a tool of the trade and being a bit of a tool myself, I decided to introduce Twicza and Double Entry to the Rapid change of season deep in the ancient Bedfordshire woodlands. "Look! Snow!" I exclaimed, only to be kneed in the groin, de-floured and in a grimace of agony, watch Double Entry sprint off into the distance. A worthy candidate for the FRB award.

Lush enjoyed the fenced in cow, a Dexter I'm led to believe, but not a fictional Florida based serial killer for those who wondered. By this time cries of ecstasy could be heard from the back as CRK, Lady P and Le Voisson slowly joined the main pack. Leroy held the pack and we were all friends reunited.

This is where the trail was subject to dynamic reconfiguration. The day before we had stumbled on a reserve area, where Herons meet and make little herons. Not wanting to upset the breeding habits and incur the wrath of the Ranger (..."you can set a trail, but rub out the markings as you go"...), we back checked and rejoined the main path across to the mysterious and previously undiscovered car park.

From here, we found paths that Leroy knew, and were able to start to head back to the cark park. "It's going to be a bit short Rapid" said Leroy. But that's never bothered me in the past. It's not the length that matters. Uneventfully we headed back towards the car park and past the sun dial, where earlier in the year, Ringer, Fat Controller and myself had carried the beer to, only to carry it back when nobody followed.

So the route: a total of 3 miles in 1 hour and 5 minutes. Back to my earlier point, highly motivated and supremely fit athletes?

Time then for the down downs. Team RA in the shape of Private Parts and Forking stepped up to the plate and performed the classic Morecambe and Wise double act. PP should be sent to Morcambe and it would be Wise not to listen to FDC! Drinks for the Hares, all three of them, and then assorted religious advice and a prayer from Limp. Mognomonous was heard to declare that it was second time on her knees in the same day. This had to be explained to me later.

Then it was time for a convoy back to Leroy's and time to eat drink, and meet 100 plus people all claiming to be his neighbour. S'Meg declared that she is desperate to be renamed, but the suggested name is not for these Wurdz, but for those there, think Scunthorpe. Lush decided to pour tomato ketchup over my coat and Shagpile dealt out his rations.

All in all a splendid day with fun for all. You should have been there!

Have I managed to beat the previous Word Count Record [mishprint shurely ... scribe] as held by Fat Controller? [oh i see close but no cigar ... scribe]

No drugs were consumed during the writing of these Words. The views expressed by the hare may be a little exaggerated in places...

Don't forget the New Moon Hash tonight [TUESDAY 27 SEPTEMBER] I promise that the trail will be no longer.

By the way Mekon, what size batteries does the large pink vibrator you are holding below take? [bigger than you have bad boy]

Rapid Withdrawal