It's a Lost Cause for Fizzy
St George's Day remembered by The Few
150 Run Bag for Rapid Withdrawal
FC explains why Lady P retains FRB Award
The Fat Controller says:
"What a daft old fart I was to fail to file Wurdz, then expect The Hash to take 'I've been busy' as an excuse for an excuse: and then 'sing' a song about how perfect I am. I have been a very silly hasher and promise to do much better next time and/or bear the full force of the RA's wrath" *
*or should say
I've just seen the comments on the website about my poor excuse for not writing the wordz being accepted, and went off in a huff to sulk - - . It's OK, now. Kisses has just given me a good kicking telling off, so here, finally, are the Wordz.
He'd have had 'em done last week if he wasn't such a a sophistical rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity.
The Easter Weekend, including St George's Day, had finally arrived, and time for setting my run at (dare I say?) a new venue for Hare & Hounds H3! I had seen the latent potential of the big woods during the many shopping trips up and down the A5 to Milton Keynes with Kisses Anytime. And so, I got out the relevant OS map and found it was called Stockgrove Country Park. I reccied the area a number of times before deciding that the four pubs close by considerably limited the scope, although the area had superb heath land and woods to get the pack lost in set a really long, convoluted trail. Talking to Leroy who lives nearby, finally convinced me to set my trail from the Visitor Centre there. I went there and found an Ice Cream van, (Hmm! Ideal for hash brats to worry the life out of their parents), a cafe, toilets and a play/picnic area, and just up the bank was a huge sundial made of standing stones. It was the ideal location for a Bank Holiday run, and the sundial, for the Circle!
We'd been away for the weekend, and so decided to lay the trail early Monday afternoon. I got up early, much to Kisses surprise, printed off part of the OS map and drew out the route, and a much shorter one for the Knitting Circlers. I showed them to Kisses, and she said sternly: "They'd better not be too long! They'll only moan, and want to get off quick. It is a Bank Holiday you know!"
After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, on my part, I finally convinced her that they were OK!
Arriving at the car park, I met up with Hong Kong Bob, the Senior Park Ranger. He had hashed with Hong Kong H3 before, and agreed to the route I showed him. There was no intrusion in SSSI areas or other naughty bits that he had previously told me to avoid, so it was off to the woods!
We got back to the Visitor Centre 20 minutes before the off, and with the car park full, being a Bank Holiday, we were very surprised at the turnout as you lot gradually arrived, and the chariots were parked in all manner of places. The hash hearse was already there, as too were Underlay and Shagpile with Rainbow and Lily. Our illustrious leader Capt. Faantaaastic managed to find a space in the car park, as did a few others, including Pussies Galore and the welcome returnee The Colonel!
Now, this is where the fun really starts 'cos it's been over a week since the run, and I've had a lot of beer since then, so my furtive brain cell is a bit befuddled, so what's cumming next could be pure fiction!
'Circle Up!' was called, and us Hares were called in the Circle. Kisses and I said a few things about length. Then I shouted: "And On - On! Is that way." My arms outstretched in a sort of northerly direction.
McEnroe leaves Madge cooling off
See no evil, eat no evil, feel no evil
Colonel gives his Annual Report
Lost Tankards temporarily returned
Zebedee was first to find the first X into the woods, and Forkin' Dick Chair caught the long X up the field, whilst the main pack led by Ringer entered the footpaths onto Rammamoor Heath where at the first O, true to form Submissive headed (Who said "head") way off on an unmarked trail. Anyway, across the heath we blazed the trail, with Lost Cause getting lost on a T to the left. From the HOC at the bridle-path the trail went left down a steep sandy slope on which Forkin' seemed to be deep in thought, as he strolled along, hands held behind his back. Mystified, I pointed him out to Lady Pee. She looked and said; "It's hard to know what goes on inside his head." "Perhaps it's better not to know!" Lines that could have come straight out of 'Last of The Summer Wine'.
At the next HOC we met up with the Knitting Circlers, and out came the jelly babies! As usual, Madge was scampering about in her inimitable style, when Count Roadkill made the strange half heard statement; "If you could strap a - - - ." Many ears pricked up, but those of Shufflecock and mine pricked highest. "What was that you just said?" We cautiously asked Count Roadkill. "Trust you lot to get the wrong end of the stick. I was merely suggesting to Bangers that we should strap one of those sat-nav thingies to Madge to see how far she actually runs!" He laughingly replied.
I have a sneeking feeling that new boot Sexy Thighs had been tipped off by someone who told her that I lay particularly long trails, decided to change to the Knitting Circlers, despite my reassurances to the contrary. But funnily enough, we gained returnee and 'honorary bloke' Rebecca instead, and so with no more jelly babies to scoff, it was off to the woods once more!
From the next O the trail went left to pass a really posh house at Vane and on into the newly opened Oak Wood, where there were two 'Scuba' stops specially laid on for Scuba do ba do and Private Parts. But, PP hadn't turned up after his Easter visit to Mummy and Daddy, so Madge took full advantage and risked getting Weil 's disease instead.
Entering the pine trees of Rushmere Woods was a O, next to which was a fenced off wooded area, and a bloody great big sign saying 'Private Property - Keep Out'. The trail was found skirting the fence to a HOC. All bar two held the O. Two were missing, left behind - Lady Pee and Gorjoyce! And from where did they finally appear? From the fenced off bit of woodland!
'On On!' was called, and the trail was found leading to a beautifully carved seat overlooking the lake, where Forkin' Dick Chair, Gorjoyce and The Colonel took a well earned break and gave us a very poor, impromptu impersonation of the Three Wise Monkeys. However, knowing these three, I whole heartedly agree with Count Roadkill's version! But, which one?
The On Inn! was eventually found, and we all wearily made our way back to the car park, dodging all the wheelchairs, prams and associated Bank Holiday brats and adults, bemused by our passing.
Sitting in the sun outside the cafe was Private Parts - he had pulled a tendon, and could not run. But at least he had made the effort and turned for the picnic. So, top marks to him!
Ringer decided it was time for the Circle, so we lifted the bag with the hash beer. Kisses came over and said something about the pack had chosen the picnic spot, but Ringer ignored her advice, and said shirtily; "I'm the HM, and I decide were the Circle's gonna be! Capt. F can do what he wants be he'll come when I tell him!" "Good!" I thought, and so we headed (Who said 'head'?) up to the sun dial. We were joined by Rapid Withdrawal who was loaded down with the hash circle accoutrements. As we climbed the track, no help was forthcumming as no one was following. The handles were cutting into our hands, and we had to stop many times to change hands. We reached the sun dial, and opened the chilled cans of Speckled Hen. We looked at the Sun Dial: it was an hour slow. No sign of any worshippers followers. "They'll be here in a minute", said Ringer confidently, just as a shout came from our right; "Oy! You lot! We're over here, and we're not going over there. So, there!" Ringer was stunned and had to capitulate. And so 'Mohammed went to the mountain', and the 'Circle' was called exactly where Kisses had tried to tell us!
The Circle progressed in its usual fashion, except for Rapid Withdrawal receiving his 150th Run Award of a holdall. Then it was on to lost property and the return of four mugs to four mugs! The Colonel was asked his opinion of the event. He stood and pretended to look wise for a while, then paced up and down muttering, and grudgingly said that he had found it down to the usual standard he would expect from H5ers. High acclaim indeed!
Circle over, it was time for grub!
I'm not quite sure how she did it, but Frau Kraft Rot managed to keep Skippy and Fizzy away from the Ice Cream Van, it must have been the spread that both her and Twiza were laying out on the blankets.
We all had a grand picnic under the shade of the trees, and we were kept amused by the antics of a couple of 'Aqualungs' trying not to look suspicious, lurking near the ladies toilets. Then, us blokes were given a very callypygous treat by Rebecca.
What a wonderful end to a great Easter Weekend!
Well that was the Fat Controller, congratulations if you made it this far and ON ON....