Run No 995

Monday 2 August 2010

Chequers, Woolmer Green

Hares: Spotted Dick & Custard

HASHERS: 23  MUTTS: 2.5  APRES: 1

After circling up there were no birthday or anniversary announcements to be made so it was on-on out of the pub car park. Everyone turned right down the B197 for about 150 yards until they found the on-back sign. Back up the B197 they all went and past the pub. After crossing the road at the pelican crossing most found the right direction and turned left down New Road. By now the changes in direction had manoeuvred the SRBs to the front and straight on past The Fox pub.
Lo, the pack were all together or were they? Where were Private Parts, Bell End and Shagpile? The pack reached the corner of Garden Road and had a general mill about. Underlay was off checking the path to the east heading for Mardleybury farm but it soon proved to be a falsie. Shufflecock quickly found the next check in Garden Road promptly mentioned it to the hare and then forgot to tell the pack who were having a good old chit chat. A quick dust arrow and support from Custard (Hare 1) put the pack back on the scent whilst the SRBs missed out the Garden Road loop.
A quick find further up New Road took the pack ENE out across the parched wheat and off towards Rectory Lane and the horses. A fishhook just before the check led to so much discussion about the number of returnees that the hare had to re-lay it to stop the argument reminding Dogger of his duty to lead the other 5 back. Obviously the FRBs were not feeling keen for a few extra yards tonight and were just playing for time.
The check was investigated whilst Spotted Dick (Hare 2) and Double Entry put their feet up on the bench. The Count whipped across the stile to no avail just as Underlay picked up the dust to the south along the fence.
The pack turned right down the edge of the field in hot pursuit and a quick on-on from Underlay pulled the pack into Cave Wood. It transpired later that The Count never knew it existed. Surprising as he has run all (sic) of the local tracks [ok ok I was just a little rash in saying that .... ed]. No one fell down the old mine workings which was fortunate as they are very deep. A scurry through the trees, off path, led now by Lady P whose ON-ONs brought The Count and Underlay and a breathless Private Parts back to the head of the pack. He was in a frightful state almost the colour of a beetroot as he appraised Hare 2 of the whereabouts of Shagpile and Bell End. More of that later!!!

A Holding Check was arrived at in the east of the woods and everyone waited while the knitting circle caught up with the FRBs. On-on was left through the next field to a check at the Rectory Road gate which had a few fooled into trying left up towards the New Road crossroads. However it was Underlay again who picked up the scent inside the field boundary and led the crew back into Datchworth. A quick investigation by The Count as far as the Train Sheds (Datchworth model railway club) led to nought and it was off south across the fields towards the Datchworth No. 2 Cricket Pitch. Did I say "across the fields" it was more like an earthquake zone. The ground was so dry the cracks in the path were nearly a foot deep.

Past the oval the pack slipped quickly through the hedge into the byway. All bar Hare 2 and Lady P went right down the Byway until they found their way blocked by a mighty oak limb completely blocking the way. Hare 2 having called Lady P back from crossing the Rugby pitch met Dogger and hound coming back up the east side of the byway hedge. Dogger uttered "ah I thought I was going the wrong way!!!", as he initiated an immediate u-turn and back tracked. Double Entry had relished the thought of running through the small gap under the tree and had hoped for a hasher getting stuck in the tree and having to call the fire brigade out to rescue them [note to gm: ee has fireman fettish ... ed]. The things people wish for!!!!!!!!
However, it wasn?t to be as the hash had been redirected down the path through the adjacent field obviating any hunky excitement. The rest of the pack filtered past the fallen tree and all regrouped back at the check on White Horse Lane. Check it out from Hare 2 set them off again and the Count decided to take a detour left and found a very promising path along the stream edge however not a spot of dust was there. The rest of the pack sensibly took the Robbery Bottom Road how could they be wrong as Shagpile and Bell End hove into view. They were ploughing down the road with beaming smiles all was well the pack were as one.
"We've run the trail backwards they cried". (What utter tosh they were plainly running forwards like the rest of us). They had found the 'ON-INN trail' about 50 yds from the Pub (BY SNEAKING BACK ACROSS THE MAIN ROAD WITHOUT USING THE PELICAN CROSSING - good job there were no horrors to see such travesty) and by the time they realised their mistake were so far behind that they had decided to run the trail in reverse !!!!. This blatent abuse of the rules was not for Private Parts [ah the rules pp must have found a copy.... ed] hence his strenuous effort to catch us all up.
As the pack toiled up Robbery Bottom Road The Count and Lost Cause were still jogging along the stream - still no dust - and a call brought them back to them galloping back to the fold. A super falsie and all self generated, the hares were impressed. As the pack neared the chicane Shagpile wisely held back exactly the right number of runners to allow Dogger and the the SRBs to find the fishhook they knew to be ahead - sneaky hey. Chester was left behind as Dogger did his duty. All collected back at the Holding Check as Hare 2 had to brief the reversees to keep stum about the rest of the trail.
Heading north towards the Stone Age Fort along the byway Dogger swerved around the fly tipping which yielded an enormous fright for Chester as he came face to face with his nemesis K9 (No sign of Doctor Who) [might have the wrong movie there .... ed]. Having ascertained we were a friendly bunch K9 agreed to accompany Dogger and Chester back to the pub. An easy pick-up, who said no sex on the hash?!!
A swift excursion through the field to the telephone masts and past the fort led back to the Great North Road. The FRBs were led across by the Count as Hare 2 laid the ON-INN for the SCBs. Left and up to the top of Mardley Hill for the rest, a right along The Drive led by Shagpile (funny he knew the route so well) followed by a quick dive across Heath Road led the pack through the edge of Mardley Heath to the point where Shagpile, Private Parts and Bell End got to before they realised they were backtracking. A short dash back under the main line past the Red Lion back to the Chequers and a dearthless plate of food. NO more hashes from here on a Monday you can presume.
The pack split; some taking the fresh air round the back intent on teasing the chipmunks (sensible chipmunks remained hidden) while the rest waited inside for the food to arrive (suckers). Eventually the RA rounded everyone up for the downdowns, a pint each for the Hares, Spotted Dick nearly beaten by Custard (phew close call he said). Spotted Dick about to walk out of the circle only to have to quaff another ale for his tenth run. He also picked up the Hashes for his screw up on the back path allowing Shagpile and Bell End to run half the trail twice, quite a haul for Spotted Dick. Private Parts was re-awarded the Ball & Chain for running too fast and catching up with the pack. A few more down downs for minor misdemeanours and the evening wound itself up. Dogger took K9 home to be Chesters best friend, we suspect it is not the last we will see of K9. THE END.

On On to The Green Man at Eversholt and Well Done Hare 1 for that Magnum Opus

RAPID BABES: Did anyone spot a slight gender bias in the RA's Down-Down nominations for 995?