Run No 1000

Sunday 30 August 2010

Ringsfield Hall, Suffolk

Hares: Bangers, Capt F, Private Parts & Shufflecock


After Run 999, lunch and a few beers, the Hares set out to lay the trail, thankfully it was nice and sunny. With Bangers directing operations, the trail was quickly set, which lead many hashers to believe it'll be quick. Next day the run time was increased as a beer stop was added.

Run 1000 started out with everyone going in every direction around Ringsfield trying to find the right trail, no such luck until the hares sent them on the correct way (turn right from the house and through the woods). Once out into the fields, the children (and big children) indulged the time honoured tradition of hay bale jumping, which with a little help many of the ankle biters succeeded in doing. The FRBs weren't liking the number checks as Fizzy, Knotch and Skippy were showing how slow a knitting circle can be (Legs & Ginger Tom - you have a lot to learn).

At a held check, the knitting circle were sent on the short cut while the rest went the long long way around. With the knitting circle arriving at the next held check several minutes before the runners, it was suggested that they might like to partake in a few exercises, which were quickly abandoned after the various cries of derision. Meanwhile the FRBs were ignoring the numbers to the back, claiming they could hear the hash horn and that took precedence.

The runners finally caught the knitting circle up, with the held check turning into a beer and jelly baby stop. Suitably refreshed the pack set off once again, with the numbers yet again being ignored, as this back hare didn't once see a returning FRB. The knitting circle split into 2, the slowest version (Fizzy, Knotch, Hash Bike, Mekon, Shufflecock, Skippy, Wallahflobollox) (note to ed: can you fill in Will's hash name, can't remember it. [note to RA: can you give Shuffle a down-down for that]) enjoying a ramble around the countryside eating the blackberries and more bale jumping.

All good things come to an end, and half way along the On Inn, the heavens opened and everyone had to make a run for it,[run? shurely shome mishtake there? ...ed] arriving back wet, cold and 2½ hours after starting. As I always say there's nothing like a short run on a Sunday lunchtime.

After lunch - a super Bangers BBQ cooked outside despite the rain - the circle was called by the GM, meanwhile the RAs were getting ready for their main duty of the day. After changing into appropriate clothing, they started to discuss who to punish. They were interrupted by Splitblox who looked a little perturbed until told that none of them were catholic. With the circle arranged outside the front entrance of Ringsfield Hall, the RAs, adorned with the hashits and the Travelling Stan Cross, made their entrance. The RAs lead the hashers to the proper hash circle deep in the woods.

With the hashers huddling under umbrellas, Rapid Withdrawal started his sermon. Almost immediately Hash Hush was broken and the hashers found that the RAs were in no mood to tolerate trivial offences. Hash hush was broken many times by Shagpile, Ringer, Lush Big Knickers (Knockers!? [yes I think so ....ed]), Count Roadkill, Shaggy, Frau Krafty Rot, Lady P and many others, who got the usual down downs.

Rapid's sermon focused on the seven deadly sins and awarded down downs for:

  • Greed - Capt F for having 2 tankards.
  • Lust - Forking Dickchair (not sure you need to know what he was lusting after).
  • Leading the flock astray - Capt F, Fat Controller.
  • Building an Ark (getting soaked at end of run) - Mekon (Mekon, wet, thought for the day!!).
  • St Francis - Foghorn.
  • Causing an earthquake - Stallion.
  • Suffering the little children - Shufflecock [not sure where we're going here ... ed]
  • Resurrection (or was it erection?) - Fat Controller & Kisses Anytime [that's better ....ed]

Rapid had also acquired an amazing collection of lost tankards, with all accused claiming that theirs had in fact been nicked while they were sleeping (or some such twaddle). Capt F had even managed to lose both of his, but the hashers promptly got their own back by nicking the RA's tankards and making them have to take their own down-downs, little knowing that the RAs had their own secret down-down stash for just such an occasion, and so enjoying a nice tipple of Old Speckled Hen instead of the dishwater called Fosters that they were serving.
Capt F stepped to lecture the RAs on not running the circle properly as the hares hadn't had a drink and as one of the hares he was quite thirsty, the RAs countered by claiming that's the HM's job and he could have a drink for forgetting his duty.
Most importantly, the elders from Run 1 - Mekon, The Colonel, Flo and Pongo - stepped into the circle to receive a down down.

On On to Run 1001 with The Fat Controller @ The Globe, Dunstable.


Grace preparing to throw up .... Bangers gets the joke .... seriously, where did you get those hats? .... the WI expecting men from the sky

The vast majority of readers will have been at the super 9991000 Weekend and enjoyed a couple of great runs, loads of good food & drink and smashing company, all in the lovely surroundings of Ringsfield Hall in Suffolk. We are "The WI Hash" and it was all very WI.
There are quite a few Hashers to thank for the weekend and we could try to list them ... the GM for delegating everything so well, Shagpile for finding the venue (but not always for cooking), Double Entry for making sure everything was thought about and worried over until it was right, Bangers for double-haring and BBQing, Underlay for doing everything that needed doing, Rapid for taking RAing to a new level, Cardiac & Smiffo for breakfast: they and more did a great job but the list would go on and folk would be unfairly left out. So no list.
It was a great weekend not because of a few but because of H5 and the people they are. Game for anything and never likely to moan when having a laugh is a better option. We had a super crew at Ringsfield truly reflecting H5 - veterans and newbies, very young and nearly old, returnees and regulars - having a good time and making sure everyone else had a good time too.
Your scribe's personal memories (many of which will appear on "9991000 The Movie" out in time for Xmas £4.99, order your copy now) .... Skippy & Fizzy puddle jumping .. relief after the screeching car .. Shaggy bale jumping .. the waitresses calling out names and trying to pronounce 'colonel' .. Hash Bike on the horn .. the 3-legged race .. BOF in the sack .. Grace not looking sick at all when she left .. the beer connoisseurs flopping .. never mind the buzzcocks .. Smeg's first night in her tent .. sleeping in the library with the lead piping .. Chester having to wait outside .. one billy goat, two porky piglets, three hundred chuckling chickens, four thousand flying ducks .. Bangers' BBQ in the rain .. Fat Controller's helmet .. proper Religious Advisors being soaked .. Pecker's mega-umbrella .. The Rev Shuffle in hard-line mood .. the rounders ref in even harder line mood .. Shagpile getting it right second time .. Forking with 99 Red Balloons .. Karmen showing how a drinking club should behave .. Foggy was a diva but finally, I promised I would say, Frau Krafty Rot was THE KARAOKE QUEEN.
Remind me of some more.
Well done everyone.


Simon Cowell gives his opinion .. White Rabbit proud to have done 60% of H5 runs .. 9991000 shirts come in all sizes