Run 879

The Red Lion, Weston

Monday, 9 June 2008

Hares: Splitblox and Count Roadkill

HASHERS: 25  ANKLE BITERS: 5  MUTTS: 1  APRES: 3

Never, actors say, never work with animals or kids. This Hare echos those words. It's not a case of competence, not in the least, it's just that ... they always upstage you. I put a lot of work into this hash: bought the flour, made the sandwiches, found my CRB certificate, did the chauffeuring, etc. And who takes all the plaudits? "Good run Splitblox" Who gets the hirsute advice? "Get your harecut". And cruelest of all, who does Hash Flash aim the lens at?

To be fair the lad came up with the idea, chose the site, picked the date, roughed out the route, and then asked me to join him. Honoured I was. And pleasantly surprised, in these days of over-protective parents, that Mekon and Dan Dare were happy for me to collect him while they were both out, not knowing where I was taking him and without a phone number. Some Hasher the boy is going to be (he gave me a sneak preview of the second drinking song he has written -well he is 9 - and it's good) and how WI will H5 be when he runs it?

Not as WI as now, that's for sure. It was a glorious evening - no, really, glorious - and many more like this and shiggy will be as rare as Scooby in long trousers. So it is to be revered, to be revelled in, in the best traditions of Private Parts on IPA. And what do we do? Take every opportunity to pussy foot round it and even resort - it shames me to say this, for it was my good Lady Pee - to bad-mouthing a bit of innocent splashing. At least her language wasn't WI.

And then there was the cattle. Far be it from me to belittle the dangers of a herd - like hashers they are at their most dangerous in a group and when provoked - but when they, quite deliberately as far as I could see, galloped 100 yards to block our trail did we have to employ G-String as Cow Whisperer (from the safety of the other side of the fence) so that Pussies and Gorjoyce (spot them in the pic?) can tip-toe to safety? Far more hashy to adopt the Aircon approach and run at them chanting, football style, "You're all goin' to MacDonald's ...".

All in all it was a very good hash - even Pongo when he was Pongo admitted as much when he said it was "quintessential" (at least I think that's what he meant) - through beautiful, mixed countryside, from a lovely village, in superb early summer weather and very well attended. What a pity the GK pub had been nearly drunk dry by a party over the weekend. Oh, hum.

In the circle the authorities went down-down bonkers (I speak as Hash Cash) making it difficult to remember who did what to whom and why. I'll give it a go:
Scrummy Dumps had a birthday but Lady Pee missed her anniversary drink.
Pongo was rewarded for his (main?) fetish and happily donned the Sarajevo Hash Thong to be renamed Thongo.
G-String, Skidmark, The Count, Screamer, Capt F and Shagpile were convicted of attire abuse related offences.
Lady Pee, Shagpile (again). Forking, Scrummy, Stallion, Aircon and Gorjoyce were found guilty of crimes too heinous - oh, yes, missus, heinous - to mention. Even worse Shaggy and Capt F admitted not doing their Words. Scooby took the FRB award.
And so it was ON ON to the not to be confused with Red Lion in Preston.
The Count

PICTURE QUIZ: naturally there was much discussion about the pleasing way Skidmark presented her delightful bum and the thong delicately inserted in it. Well unfortunately, due to pending legal action and physical threats, the competition relating to this picture has been withdrawn.