FLO'S 500

Run 814 saw Florence - to give her full deference on this special occasion - become only the second Hasher to achieve 500 runs with H5. With more than 250 runs with other incarnations and hashes all over the place she has every right to feel as she put it herself 'knackered'. Inappropriately choosing a presentation H5 fleece on the hottest day of the year, she was thrilled that the GM decided not to decorate her visage with the specially commissioned Asda cake her fellow Hashers generously arranged and ate for her.

Run No 814

Sunday, 15th April 2007

The Moon & Stars, Rushden

Hares: Monster Munch & Risky Xposure

HASHERS: 22  NEWEES: 3  APRES: 5  MUTTS: 0

Welcome to Aintree (Rushden), where the 814th Novices Hares' Handicap Chase is about to get under way.

And they're off!

Immediate drama as Private Parts (33-1) and Count Roadkill (11-1) collide at the first fence (stile), giving Donut (13-2) an opportunity to slip past on the inside rail.

Donut has it, but his lead is under threat as Big Blouse mounts a brave challenge. This veteran performer has been on good form recently but it looks like he's out of luck today, dropping back now as Donut clears the second fence.

Late entry Geoff keeps the pressure on. "It's his first time over the fences here - but I'm not worried about his stamina," owner Charlotte told BBC Sport earlier. Geoff seems to be struggling with the unfamiliar course markings, creating an opening for fillies Mekon, Flo and Lady P, all running well despite the hot weather. But it's not enough, as Geoff puts on a final spurt to pip Donut to the post.

"It's an unreal feeling - he was so easy to ride," said jockey Captain F. "From the start, all I had to do was steer."

Later. Aintree is a slightly calmer place now than it was an hour or so ago. Thousands of discarded betting slips (flour blobs) can be seen blowing across the course. There were some emotional scenes at the winner's enclosure with the race stewards questioning whether Geoff's unconventional red and green racing colours may have confused the other runners. Trainer Dan Dare was also brought to book for using new training equipment (i.e. new trainers) that may have given him an unfair edge over the competition.

Join us next week for more racing at Cheltenham (Renhold).

ON ON
Monster Munch and Risky Xposure

Scribe's Notes: Virgin hares, and obviously virgin Wurdz writers: good style that could have been developed further by reference to a old nags and the like (so polite, young people today), entirely falacious (which is good) and missing a few points worth mentioning (so that's 7/10 for your first Words). I'll try to sweep up the remaining manure:
Beautiful track, well laid but marked down to 9/10 by Pongo for putting the dope 6 inches too near the winners enclosure or some bollox: Pongo was duly awarded hashit for pickyism, following hard on the heels of blinkered runner Capt F's down-down for brownnoseism having toadied up to the stewards.
Big Blouse was as good as useless all day having spent the night before the race at the Sunrunner drinking everything he could get his hands on in order to avoid thinking about becoming a *0 year old on Thursday.
Scooper was awarded the FRB hashit for leading the field. Knobber redressed the family balance by talking as though in need of the whip: still he did organise good going.
Pre race favourite Mekon was called into the paddock for allowing her jockey to remove his silks, and Dan Dare for being newly shod. Sadly it was reported that FiFi had jumped off to doggy heaven and so would no longer require her doggy nosebag, donated to H5 for doggy downdowns. For reasons given above Big Blouse left it at the weigh-in.
Newee Some Frog (and where was Shagpile to toast the French?) was subject to a stewards inquiry under the official secrets act and found guilty.
And finally back to the hares: the Jockey Club gave permission for a couple of namings and Ed became Monster Munch for reasons best kept to Venetia, who became Risky Xposure. Her first act under her new name was to be awarded the top hashit for .....and here your Scribe's memory fails him but it had been a long meeting.