(Next run is from The Sun Inn at Lemsford)

The sun shone and it was pleasantly warm when an optimistic Big Blouse laid a hash trail on the Saturday and with the promise of fine weather and firm going underfoot he set off enthusiastically, ably assisted by No Knickers whose driving saved many hours of intense effort.

Sunday dawned and the wonderful Captain Fantaaastic (and Pooper) arrived early for some very well received 11th hour stewarding and support for the hares. As the allotted time approached, great debate arose as to whether the H5 had ever run from the Three Horseshoes? er, um err, ah, err said Ringer helpfully. Well, er, um yes, er or possibly not came the retort as Pongo and Smiffo racked their brains for a definitive answer - without any success.

Circle up was called and 2 x newies were introduced, Alistair (a Potential FRB if ever we saw one) and Seethru (Seethrough??) from the Cambridge Hash who had decided to give us a go (so to speak). The er... 'rules' were sort of explained, and the hash ambled off. Well, I say ambled, as a decidedly 'up for it' Smiffo hacked off at a furious pace bellowing on on at a volume clear intent on waking the dead. Hot on his heels was the ever fit Pooper who was keeping up with ease along with newie Alsitair who seemed to be enjoying himself immensely (?? - Strange, but true).

The furious pace was aided by Seethru, a sweaty Knobber and Tightwad. Various cunning false trails amounted to nothing as they fooled no one at all and the hash quickly arrived at the first check, with an unlucky 3 being sent to join the remainder at the rear. The pack quickly found a large amount of nothing at the farm and thus the trail snaked back along the road towards the village.

Cunningly the trail bore left and the pack sped off and across the fields before re-joining a decidedly s*****d out hare at the next check. Once again no one was being fooled and the entire pack belted down a hill to a small shaggy-filled dell which only served to slow up Pussies Galore and White Rabbit.

A held check by the church allowed a completely wiped out Cap'n Fantaaastic to catch up before on on was again called and the hash were away through the ancient church yard lined with majestic Lebanese cedar trees bearing testament to the beauty of nature through the ages. Pausing only to muse on the incongruities of such natural beauty against the backdrop of several demented hashers was indeed, most odd.

Our journey was almost at an end and a slightly 'outweirded' family in Thorn's Farm greeted the hash as a slightly excited Mutt tried to join in before being reclaimed by his owners. The familiar sight of Lady Penelope, Count Roadkill, Overflo, Stallion and Donut could be seen following a clearly insane pace as previously set by the dreaded Smiffo.

All too soon (very, very soon in fact) the On Inn was spotted by a cry from the Smiffo (that could be heard in Strathclyde) and we were back at the pub, several hashers had, it was later confirmed, broken Olympic records for cross country running.

The embarrassingly short run, was sooooooooooo early, that the hash was forced to knock on the pub door to be let in.

Circle up was called and the GM had cunningly installed his own secret RA - the Athletic Smiffo!, who proceeded to berate the RA for a very minor misdemeanour.

The RA's own secret RA, Stallion was then given centre stage to call various people to account before the RA handed out down downs to the following.

Newies - Seethru and Alistair
Alistair - for being an FRB
My Little Pony - For new shoes and an evil T-shirt stained with mildew
Count Roadkill for advanced Sarchasm** (NB - Sarchasm, This is NOT a spelling mistake, this is a hybrid word meaning subtle humour and the gulf shown by the lack of the recipients ability to understand it !!!)
Donut - for being a 'miserable scroat'

And finally, by the power invested (somewhat unwisely) by the Hash in the RA, the hasher formerly known as 'Pooper' was re-christened as 'Walnut Whip Willy' following the manhood crumpling incident on run 706 at Stotfold.

Your scribe for these words, Big Blouse would like to thank Captain Fantaaastic for his 11th hour hare stewarding and also apologies to the entire hash for such a short run. I literally did make a hash of it...

(but you all thanked me for a nice short run - so there !)

Big Blouse