FLAWED OF THE RINGS

The hash set off accompanied by friendly waves from the crew of the helicopter that the hare had arranged for the fly past. On up the hill the fellowship went, but one fell (Florence). The fellowship continued up, past the fire blasted heath, and on to Minas Morgul. FRBs Super Mini, Bed Pan, 5 Baaar and Tight Wad ignored the flour which led them in a loop back to the tower and sprinted off along a path clearly heading to the end of a spit of land, where the only possible path would be jumping off the cliffs into the sea!

The rest of the hash enjoyed the views from the tower (the reason for haring them up there) while the FRBs returned, then it was back to the check and the real trail along the coast path. The path forked and Bed Pan and Penetrator took the correct route, but immediately stopped and leant on the gate gossiping and taking pictures, leaving numerous other hashers to disappear in the direction of Lynmouth. Finally the hare called them back, but got his revenge on Bed Pan and Penetrator by keeping quite when he saw them completely ignoring the correct way along the signed footpath path and disappearing across the fields together.

The hash found the trail down across the A39, and to a held check where there was a long wait for G-String, Bed Pan and Tight Wad, of whom only head could be seen. Various false trails were found though Penetrator ran straight through a T that was so large and clearly visible that the aforementioned helicopter had earlier tried to land on it, mistaking it for a helipad. The correct trail, through Fangorn Forest was found and on to a 'snorers check' where all the snorers were sent to the back (though White Rabbit refused - for which the RA duly punished her later).

On we continued to Rivendell then a held check where various members of the fellowship took the opportunity to enter the river and empty their bladders, under the guise of bathing. Cunning Linguist joined G-String, Cardiac and Penetrator in the water but on initiating her squat, slipped on something (possible deposited by one of the other hashers?) and scrapped the skin off her arm. Thank goodness we don't have to bother with things like 'risk assessments' (especially when it was our H&S rep, Florence who had earlier taken a dive on a perfectly smooth tarmac road, skimming her hands and ripping her hash leggings).

The hash continued through more stunning countryside until it had to ascend the sides of Mount Doom itself. Eventually all the hash scaled these heights and the 'On Inn' was found.

The circle duly formed and all present were duly punished by the RA various misdemeanors, except for Bed Pan. Is there something we should know? Shagpile, the GM, received numerous down-downs until he started barfing on the added creme-de-menthe, and also got the hashit - deservedly - for keeping all the male hashers awake for the last two nights with his incredibly loud snoring! The question of the ring was solved to everyone's satisfaction - except White Rabbit - who did not understand. The RA was complimented on the weather and the hare for the beauty of the countryside hashed through, and everyone lived happily ever after.

ONON Bell End