It wasn't boding well for this run of ours. Having finally got round to choosing a venue, only to find out from our beloved Harerazor that we'd double booked ourselves with Shagpile. However he'd omitted to talk to the landlord - so we got in first! Sorry Scribe! Things went from 'not very good' to 'bad' when, on talking to aforementioned landlord he said 'you realise we'll only be able to serve teas and coffees at 8.30 due to the Licensing Laws'. What! You cannot be serious! The thought of our illustrious GM downing a cup of rosie lea with his little pinky sticking out brought a chill to my spine. I could see dire punishment looming. Luckily, I quickly realised that the landlord thought we meant 08.30 in the morning. Phew! Doesn't know about Hashing does he? Doesn't know the Hash doesn't do 08.30 in the morning, does he?

Crisis number 2 over. Things then went from 'bad' to 'worse' and it was On-On to crisis No. 3. It's now 2 days before we're due to lay the run and one of the Hares finds themselves the beneficiary of bed and board courtesy of Bedford South Wing. Quick phone call to G-String to stand in as replacement Hare, and we're up and running again. We did consider ringing Bell End. It would have been a great opportunity to redeem himself after last week when he laid the run, but didn't run the run. This week he could run and run, but not lay the run, thus making a full set! On Sunday, with G-String (thanks Chucky-Egg!) having agreed to assist with haring, and knowing that a lot of sherbets would probably have been had by all at his barby the night before, there arose an opportunity for a severe wind-up (wind as in kind and not wind as in fart!) which just couldn't be ignored. We rang G-String to say that, due to temperatures expected in the melt-down zone again, would he mind live haring the run on Monday instead, so the Hares wouldn't have to suffer heat exhaustion and third degree sun burn laying it. He fell for it! Here I should give a word of advice to all Hashers. If you want to get our GM to do something, just ring him fairly early on a Sunday morning, and he's likely to agree to almost anything!. I asked him why the sharp intake of breath following my request, sounded so muffled. He explained it was because he had his head in a drawer whilst lying on the kitchen floor. That's where he woke up apparently! Great party GM! But now to hand you over to my co-hare (the one wot ran the run).

The oval was called by H.M. Ringkisser and the Hares described what to look out for on the run. The On-Out was called and taken up by Underlay and Gripper along the side of the lake. Smiffo and Airscrew took up the front, only to find a falsie down there. The trail was found by Shaggy and Penetrator, only to lead to the river and a ladies check. Smiffo in his effervescent (don't you mean fluorescent, Chuck, or were there actually bubbles coming out of his trouser legs - Flo) shorts, got confused, and by chance found the trail first time. When laying the trail on Sunday, we crossed a bridge, which someone decided to partly dismantle sometime on Monday, and acts of daring were needed to get the runners (runners!- Flo) over, only to arrive at Florence's '6 to the back' check.

So far so good, but at least the pack were still together until we got to the disused railway. The plan was foiled by more exits from the trail than a rusty colander, with Hashers running everywhere and shouting. Smiffo, informed the Hare that there was a bar down there. I KNOW, COS I PUT IT THERE! It was not surprising that we only lost 3 runners and 2 mutts (no prizes for guessing who). The runners found the trail by the river, and onto a numbered check, only to find Penetrator and two of our newies, Liam and Josh, get caught out again. They seemed to enjoy the experience though. There must have been something in the air that Stallion sensed, for he went head down and arse up on to the beer stop. With thin blood and alcohol, the Hash soon lost interest in running. The true trail went too close to the pub and Hashers were heading for home through any route possible.

Then it was on to the circle. Down-downs were awarded as follows:

• To the Hares for a magnificent, if not confusing run
• Donut for his Birthday, and Ringer for his Anniversary
• Good Crack for gloating that Smiffo missed the beer stop and Shaggy for wasting Hash Beer
• Underlay for tying poncy bows on Not My Bitch and Gripper
• Ringkisser for ignoring the Assistant RA and appointing a secret RA
• G-String for allowing Shoot to deposit the smelliest poo ever

And apologies to anyone else we might have forgotten

On-On to next week's run in Outer Mongolia AKA Borehamwood! Flo and F' Ka Duck