Monday lunch time and the sun was shining, although the local weather forecast was for rain in one hour and showers later in the day. But as the sun always shines on the righteous we were blessed with perfect conditions all day. Two hours to lay the run and a short rest before the 'runners' arrived. No shiggy, no cows, no water, no hills, no jungle, no irate natives. Oh! what a dull run. But we could offer you very close views of 'easyjet' landing and the most superb views of the countryside east of that well known cosmopolitan town of Luton.

Having taken exactly two hours to dob down the flour down we congratulated ourselves that it would take exactly one hour to run. Wrong! but don't blame the hares. It wasn't our fault the 'knitting circle' got larger at every check, and there were plenty of checks.

Quarter to four and a motley tribe of hashers descended on the pub. No anniversaries, so at 4p.m. off out of the car park. FRBs ran all the falsies and took the rest of the hash with them along a lane which turned out to be another falsie. Back to the pub and My Little Pony decided he should have ignored the fact that there was a lack of flour on the road opposite and ran to the end of it. Very crafty these hares. Having gathered up the pack who should turn up but Captain Haddock, Nik-Nak and G-String all complaining that the signposts to Breachwood Green had all been turned around. We forgot to tell you that we did this when there was a war on. The locals didn't want the Iraqis landing at Luton Airport and claiming asylum in their village.

Eventually we were all running in the same direction. Unfortunately it wasn't the right one. The hares were pleased to see all the hashers running a long falsie across a field only to find a 'T' at the end of it. (I do hate laying a false trail which no one runs.) Finally the right trail was found down the road and around the corner, and, what a surprise, we were only a few yards from the pub. The FRBs quickly found the flour going across the fields where we all stood and plane spotted the 'easyjets' landing. (Was that one a 747 or a 704, or perhaps it was a 737?) Off again along another falsie. By this time the 'knitting circle' had increased to six. On to Darley Dale and to a road. Mabel, who must have wanted to become a plane spotter, disappeared into the distance running towards the end of the main runway of the airport. Despite calls of 'false trail' he kept going. Finally he came back and had to run so fast to catch the rest of the pack that he didn't have time to admire the full beauty of the bluebell wood.

Ah! a short cut appeared and the invitation to take it was gratefully taken by the 'knitting circle' which had now grown to eight. Off we set towards the windmill leaving the rest to run the mile loop. Around the beautifully restored windmill and on to a check where we would meet the FRBs. During the long wait that we had at the check we were told that a 'News at Ten' silver-haired, good-looking newsreader lives in the windmill with his partner. No-one could remember the newscaster's name. But, it is amazing the usless bits of information you pick up on the hash. In ones and twos the rest of the hash joined us. We were now on the edge of the village and the thought was that it was straight down the road to the pub. Wrong, althought the hour was up there was still a loop to be run. The knitting circle by this time was up to fourteen, including Five Baah. (Yes, really he was walking. What is the hash coming to?) Just who was with the front hare? The 'knitting circle' was all for missing the loop but by telling a really big 'porkie' that the laid trail was the shortest route to the pub they all took it. Which just goes to show that where the hash is concerned you can fool all of the people most of the time. 'On inn' and it was 'down downs' for Florence for calling 'kitty kitty' to a horse, for Mabel and Feel for their offspring, to a newie who could drink like a good hasher and a few others that I cannot remember. Back to the barbeque where the harriets could 'bill and coo' over the beautiful Daniel and Jacob. How it is that hashers produce such good-looking babies?

On-On Ringer and White Rabbit.