The Hares met at the Goat, F'Ka Duck looking as if he's already been on the Hash with several inches of squelchy shiggy still remaining on his joggers from last week's marathon. (No he wasn't going to let the Hares forget that ordeal in a hurry).

We set off to lay the run, full of the joys of spring (and several squares of Toblerone!) in bright sunshine, only to be rained on, snowed on and rained on again.

The Hash duly assembled, more like squashed into the rather intimate square of tarmac that was the car park of the Goat Inn. Several layers of clothing were needed to combat the near freezing conditions and that was just Paintball who wasn't even running (he said he had the flu yeah course yer did my love!). We reminded the Hash that they were running on flour, but the addition of a little of Ringer's washing water gave the consistency they were more likely to see (Doh!!).

The On-On was called and we headed into the High Street. Smiffo was the first to find dough (Doh!). At the first check Steve (Nice Legs) Giblets fell for the first of Florence's enormous falsies leading the pack halfway to Southend. Pecker picked up the real trail and lead us to the ladies' check. The ladies with the help of Smiffo kindly checked out all available false trails, before the eventual trail was found heading off through grass, shiggy and water. G-String retrieved F'Ka Duck's pully which he'd tried to disguise in a hedge so that he could collect it later (because he was a hot little soldier), but G-String kindly carried it all round the rest of the Hash (Thanks RA!). At the next check the first 6 FRBs reluctantly headed for the back. There was some discrepancy as to whether Ebony counted as an FRB. Giblets came past and asked his beloved whether or not he was in fact the sixth person, and was told most definitely yes. "But Screamer", I said, "were you counting?" "No!" she said, "but he can go to the back anyway!!" (Touching!!). Bedpan was the only Harriette in the priveleged FRBs.

We headed back towards the village only to find the D check. We were aiming to nobble the RA and his sidekick, but so as not to make it so obvious we said anyone whose name began with D. Unfortunately this included Darren (Pecker) and Dave (Marathon Man) sorry chaps! Pecker fell for the second of Florence's enormous falsies (good job she only had two eh?). Stallion thought he would sit this one out, and parked his butt on a fence (Doh).

After a few complaints of doggy do do's on the path the trail lead past two rather large, fierce guard dogs, whereby there followed lots of human do do's mostly from G-String (Wimp! To be so scared of such teeny weeny pets). We were then set on by an even fiercer horse owner upset at the use of the Hash Horn, urging his hunter horses to the chase. Pecker then quickly shoved the horn down the front of his knickers (bagsie not have the horn next week please?) Yet another humungous false trail up the hill. One of the hares was lagging behind, so the other used her intuition and laid an arrow to encourage those back markers that it really was the right route. Wrong! Back we came, scrubbing out afore-mentioned arrow on the way, following Penetrator into the woods. Florence, struggling to climb the hill, ie vertically challenged in more ways than one, was then chastised by Cardiac, who accidentally received 12oz of Tesco's best self raising in the mush (his mouth was open and everything!). Heading back to the road, Underlay picked up the trail to lead the pack, only to find that Smiffo was already in front of her. Passed the mill (Nellie Dean) to a false trail then up another hill to the Puppies' check. Munchkin, Sasquatch and Pooper searched out the dust and lead the pack to the next check. It was at this point that during the laying of the trail a snow blizzard decended and we started to lose direction. The trail lead onto the Codicote Road, and the back markers including Pongo, Skidmark and Snail found a more direct route to the On Inn. Smiffo lead the pack on the last quarter of the run, then it was moan, moan, moan from the pack. It's too cold, too wet, too windy, too muddy, too long, too everything, but they soldiered on to the heath, and were shortly rewarded with the On Inn.

After a warm in the pub (mostly from the fiery curry sauce), Donut (nice hat!!) called the circle. I wont say what he called it, but call it he did. Down-downs were given to Snail and My Little Pony, Donut, G-String and Skidmark for anniversaries. Birthday down-downs for Snail and Flo. Marathon Man got a day glo shirt for his 100th run award, with Snail receiving her decathon tankard. F'Ka Duck got the dress for shortism only setting short falsies (although he ran all of the long ones ha ha). Florence was unjustly awarded the Hashit (she stank on the way home - her own words not F'Ka Duck's!). Other down-downs were awarded for various other misdemeanours including to Nik-Nak, Captain 'Addock,Bird Bath, Good Crack and Bell End, but we're blowed if either of us can remember why, although who could forget Shagpile's beaver hat. The only person we think we've forgotten is Ian. You're going to have to start misbehaving my son! Isn't it about time he had a Hash name also RA? (if he has got one then it was F'Ka Duck wot wrote these words!!).
On-on to 549

PS What we want to know is why has it taken longer to write the words than to complete the blooming run and why didn't the spell checker recognise 'shiggy' and 'F'Ka Duck'. All we can say is thank heavens Ringkipper didn't run.

Florence & F'Ka Duck

This was Florence's attempt to duck writing the Words for this run by submitting Words written for a previous run from the same pub. Note the 'On-on to 549'. Bit of a giveaway what? - Archive Ed.