Paintball gets a call on Friday evening - Shaggy can't make Saturday he's w**king (choose your letters very carefully) and would it be OK to lay the run Sunday morning. Well it's OK for y'all young whippersnappers, but to an oldie like me it's a bit painful to lay a run and then hare it, but like a fool I agreed.

We get to the pub on Sunday morning at 8 prompt. Shaggy and Paintball had both brought three bags of flour - so there should be plenty of trail left. Having run at Gravenhust quite a few times before, it was decided that something radical was needed, if we were to confound the pack.

We got back to the pub at 10:30, just in time for the first of the arrivals. Pretty soon the car park is beginning to fill and a slightly unfriendly landlord comes out to complain about us preventing his customers from parking. I point out that we are also customers, and that we shall only park down one side of the car park. The landlord went away generally OK about it.

The hash is assembled at 11:00 prompt and the GM calls in the hares. No real hazards so the off is called. Immediately they all set off down the usual trail. Poopa goes like a whirling dervish down the hill - Cardiac asks what he's being fed on. Unfortunately, the 'T' is laid right at the bottom of the hill, so the hash has to trudge (the best adjective I could come up with to describe the pure enthusiasm with which they all returned) back up the hill. The usual cries on ON-INN are heard, but as we had never really left the pub it was a bit pedantic (hadn't realised that the Green Dragon's land extended 600 yds down the hill - Ed).

Finally we get away from the pub and it's up the road via a network of falsies. Fortunately, this gives time for Nik-Nak to arrive who as usual is very late. After a treacherous loop the pack end up in the village park where the trail has been laid down the slide and across the climbing thingy. A few minutes later we emerge no further than 100 yards from the pub. Yet again cries of ON-INN, but no chance, this was merely the beginning.

By some ingenious twists and turns, eventually we all arrive at the bottom of the hill by a stream and only a few yards from the first falsie (and we are 25 mins in by now). One thing about hills, once at the bottom, there is only one way to go and that's up. Unfortunately, this hill is a bit steep and a bit long, but eventually we all arrive at a crossroads. Cardiac sets off up the track to Meppershall (well actually he was encouraged), and Paintball, Shaggy (i.e. two hares) and Ben follow, but alas no-one else bothers. When "FALSE TRAIL" is finally called, the hoverers set off up the usual trail, ignoring the obvious short-cut falsie. When Cardiac et al, finally get to the crossroads again, they take advantage of the short cut and arrive at the next check ages before G-String who was doing a grand job as FRB of the main pack.

I don't recall much more of what happens after that (plus I'm getting a bit bored now), except that at the last everyone bar Poopa, Paintball, F'ka Duk and My Little Pony decide to take the shortcut back to the village. Consequently, the ON-INN was only seen by the intrepid four just mentioned.

After the run, a frenetic activity takes place as the books have been opened for Hardwick Hall and the New Year events.

After a few pleasant beers in the sun - (great job assistant RA!!), the GM calls the circle.

Down-downs were awarded as follows:

• Paintball and Shaggy for doing a fantastic job as hares
• Ben (now christened Caution Container) for his 10th run
• Poopa for lost property
• Wanka the Banka for sheep shagging (or something of that nature)
• Paintball for lost property
• Probably lots more, but I have forgotten

Tired and knackered, I spend the rest of the afternoon lazing on the bed with the occasional need to jump up and hop about the room in excruciating pain. Next time I do this I must have more salt to ward off cramps.

ONON - Paintball and Shaggy