It promised to be a cracker of a run. Shaggy frequently reminded me of his ability for 'intelligent haring' although I'm not sure the rest of the pack saw any evidence of that.

The circle at the start was treated(?) to a musical introduction from my co-hare who produced a guitar and did a good impression of a Lance Percival Calypso (if you didn't pay attention to what your Granny told you, this comment will have gone over your head). This of course was a 'first' and we are all keenly expecting it to be a 'last'. Newie Vicky [subsequently named No Knickers - Archive Ed] was introduced (complete with hangover - she'll make a good hasher) and then it was time for the ONOFF. Giblets seemed to be in some distress, which when asked said was due to a tooth coming through. I felt sorry for him that the pub staff had refused him entry, but apparently the problem went away soon after.

A number of regular hashers were notably absent for the start, so it was important for the back hare to leave flour arrows in case they turned up. Trouble was, I was supposed to be back hare, but you try doing that when lashed to a nutter of a Doberman. I frequently found myself near the front and having to lay flour arrows before most of the pack had arrived! I attempted to offset this by laying cunning curly arrows 'a la' Smiffo, to fool the pack, but this just seemed to draw the attention of Obergruppenführer Bell End, who scribbled away furiously in his dobbing pad. Eventually the late comers met up - Nik-Nak of course, G-String and Skidmark +2. Tight Wad had a nice hair do to match his hashit dress - such fetching highlights!

Anyway, what of this cracking run I hear you saying. Well it was mostly urban, winding around the sidestreets and alleyways of Biggleswade. Shaggy had laid some humongous falsies and I think nearly all of them were found and run. If things looked like going the pack's way instead of the hares', Shaggy had a cunning ploy of bellowing "false trail" to the world in general, resulting in everyone coming back to the check looking bemused. That must have been the 'intelligent' bit.

We covered old ground, having run before from the Yorky Grey, but it looked new as a flock of new rabbit hutches (purchase price circa £220K) had been built over the footpaths. This hardly phased the veteran hashers such as Pecker, Penetrator and Cardiac who seemed to know the right way to go most of the time. Getting back to the London Road there was a nice 10 minute loop to complete the trail, while the infirm and decrepit were offered a short cut in. Sadly the dust seemed to have disappeared and both Shaggy and myself had forgotten where we had laid it! We hoped no-one would notice, but no, there was Bell End scribbling away again in his pad (apparently he is related to Idi Amin!) I could see the down-downs clocking up.

At the apres circle, Down-Downs were inflicted upon many:

• Sasquatch for taking a mobile phone call during the run and w*nking in the circle
• Me for just being alive
• Shaggy for being Shaggy
• White Rabbit for using the 'W' word
• Flo for one of her usual 'double entendres'
• Underlay for insulting my manhood by taking delivery of something in a brown paper wrapper from Ann Summers
• G-String & Bell End for forgetting hash names
• Tight Wad (can't remember why)
• Me for doing 250 runs on that day + the hashit!!!! (I'm taking that to the European Court of Straight Bananas)

ONON Shagpile & Shaggy