Albert [Patau - Archive Ed] was due to arrive at Paintball's at 3:00. At 3:15 he phones to say he's lost in Ridgmont. The route to Shefford is quickly established and he eventually arrives at 3:30. Paintball, Pooper and Albert set off to lay the run. It's drizzling, foggy, and freezing cold. Still the show must go on, and Mekon's birthday is later that evening so we decide that we need to get a move on.

Finding the first path was a bit of a problem, due to the fact that someone in Ickleford has systematically gone around and changed the direction of all the footpath signs. We eventually get going, thanks to a helpful local resident. The fields are a mite soggy, great hashing terrain, but dark is looming. Thankfully Paintball has brought his torch and map. Albert thinks this hashing lark "is very funny". However, Paintball and Pooper are not so convinced. Albert even says he likes the fog because he's never seen it before. He did regret wearing his best shoes.

After about an hour and a half, Paintball nearly knocks himself out on an overhanging tree branch, and so we all decide to call it a night. Paintball will finish off the trail in the morning. We decide to have a quickie pint in the Plume of Feathers, and who should we bump into but Antar, Hooker and Kermit, who had informed the land-lady that we were running from the pub a few weeks earlier. Great news- they had decided to join H5 instead of running with the Cambridge bunch in Mildenhall.

Mekon's party was great fun, as hashers always enjoy an f'ing barn dance (old joke for the veterans). Paintball gets up at 7 and is laying the hash by 7:30. The fog still hadn't lifted and the temperature was still cold enough to freeze your knackers off, but thankfully it didn't rain.

As people start to arrive, the heavens open. G-String and Skidmark strangely arrive on their bikes. The weather is so bad that every one takes refuge in their cars until the last minute. G-String calls the circle and the returnees, the visitor [Le Voisin - Archive Ed] and the newie are all introduced. The hares explain about the new music check and the pack are off.

The run went mostly to plan, except for the fact that the weather was steadily deteriorating. Major Cripplecock, Rachel [Ashcroft - Archive Ed], Good Crack, Giblets and Screamer somehow manage to arrive at various stages of the run.

The pack eventually reach the music check where Smiffo, Ringer, Giblets, Cardiac, Kermit, Tight Wad and My Little Pony lead us off in a rendition of Aahlawetta [Alouetta, but in view of the rain, perhaps it should have been Alouwetta - Archive Ed]. By the time this is finished everyone is so cold that there are signs of dissention growing amongst the troops.

Tight Wad is so taken with the music check that he then decides to do his very own version of singing in the rain. His big mistake was to splash the RA and then immediately try to soak Paintball, again right in front of the RA.

The second half of the run is fairly uneventful and everyone gets back safely albeit a bit chilled. Albert still thinks hashing is funny - and I thought the English were eccentric.

Down Downs were copiously awarded as follows:

Albert, Pooper and Paintball for haring such a magnificent run. The RA for not sorting out the weather, All of the Cambridge crew for jiggling their bits, Bed Pan for having Dan Dare's baby (see errata on last week's Words), Mekon for stuffing a little boy up her jumper, Shaggy for being equinophobic (or is it broncophobic?) and then having the cheek to blame this on Ben.

More down-downs were given to both Ben and Shaggy for sexism (i.e. blaming Adele for issuing them with the wrong clothes), Pooper for not marking the trail properly as back hare, Shagpile for asking Bell End if he was at the quiz night (the same quiz night that Bell End had given Shagpile a lift home from).

The hashit was awarded to Tight Wad for splashing, splashing again and for his highlights, which he claimed was sun bleaching from a recent holiday.

OnON - Paintball, Popper and Albert