Students of English grammar will note the writer's interesting transition from third person to first within the same paragraph. Full marks for correct punctuation though! (only kidding Paintball - don't get a monk on)

While your faithful scribe is doing his duty representing H5 at Interhash, your faithful RA has kindly volunteered to send out the text version of the Words. So hares please note; send your words by email to G-String from run 579 onwards. The web site Words will not be updated during the time your scribe is away doing his duty.

I don't know why but for some reason Pooper and I decide not to lay the run on Saturday afternoon and that we would lay it on Sunday morning instead. This was a strange decision as we were all set for Posh Nosh that evening and it was likely to be a heavy drinking night and could go on quite late. Nevertheless the decision had been taken.

As I thought, Posh Nosh was a corker. The dance floor was full of admiring young people who ooh'd and aahh'd at our smart frocks and suits. One young fellow took quite a fancy to me and approached me asking - "You don't do blokes do you?" I was dancing with Jayne [aka Tarzan - Archive Ed] at the time, so I promptly introduced her and he sped off. Not an experience I wish to repeat ta very much. [yer yer, you don't fool me -Ed]

Got to bed about 1'ish after a fantastic evening. To say I'd had a few was an understatement and I was a bit worried about getting up in the morning to lay the trail. Still, I managed to stagger out of bed at 7am the next morning. I was still blasted. Two aspirin and two rennies just about fixed me up. No sign of Sean - [Who! -Ed] though (he'd also been partying the night before).

Still the show had to go on - so I set off all on my lonesome. What a great morning! the sun was shining, the birds singing and the squirrels were very skittish. I really enjoyed laying the hash and I only saw two people in the first two hours. I was getting a bit worried at about that time, because I was still a fair way from home. In fact it took me about three hours in total to lay the trail and now I was seriously worried due to the aches and pains from the previous nights dancing and the fact that I had to do it all again in about half an hour.

As it turns out we set off late because it was rumoured that G-String and Skidmark were on their way from Arlesey on their bikes. Paintball's mate Albert [Patau - Archive Ed] from Espana hadn't turned up either because he was hopelessly lost.

Eventually, Pongo decides to call the circle and Paintball gives a quick briefing to the pack. The main point being that there is no point in watching or listening to Pooper as he hasn't a clue where we are going. No animals or dangers to note, but there are held checks, ladies checks, return to the back checks and a new concept the hares' choice check.

The usual FRBs, with the exception of Cardiac, set off at great speed. A few early falsies enable G-String and Skidmark to join the pack. As we leave Shefford Albert drives up, but it's too late to join in so he is quickly given directions to the house and the hash resumes. The trail led through Campton plantation where a ladies check was encountered. White Rabbit does the decent thing and sets off along the wrong trail. It was quite a long falsie, but it does allow Dead Meat and Pongo to catch up with the rest of the pack.

Giblets, eventually sets off on the right trail and its across the A507 into Campton. I was just off the pace at this time, but with the knowledge that the first six to arrive at the next check would be returning very soon I could afford to be smug. In fact it made my day to see Smiffo, Giblets, Five Baah, Matchstick, and Shagpile all on their way back.

Not too much more to report except for the next check, which was of the Hares' Choice variety. Five Baah and Sasquatch were assigned the honours. The trail led through the new Millenium Green Woodland Walk. No trees yet, but the bracken and scrub was doing very nicely.

The pack eventually arrive in the centre of Shefford after about 50 minutes. At this point half the runners decide to take the short-cut back to Paintball's house. Cardiac, Smiffo, White Rabbit, Five Baah, Giblets, Matchstick and Paintball (myself only from a sense of duty) are clearly made of sterner stuff and decide to carry on.

The trail eventually leads to the River Ivel, where the pack are forced to cross the river. Please note that Shefford's name is derived from the words Sheep Ford and it's very important that we maintain the traditions of the villages and towns through which we run.

Who noticed Giblets avoiding the crossing? I did and I was amazed he didn't get into trouble for it later. All the hash cross the river safely, except for Paintball who ends up flat on his back, legs akimbo and totally soaked. Oh well at least it gave the intrepid few a good laugh.

Not much more to report, except that Smiffo and Cardiac also decide to short-cut back to Paintballs gaffe. So all credit to White rabbit, Matchstick, Five Baah and Giblets who were in fact the only hashers to complete the circuit. Apologies to anyone else who I might have missed, because by now I was so knackered that I was trailing badly.

Whilst on the run, Jayne [still aka Tarzan] had rustled up copious numbers of jacket spuds, baked beans and sausages. The Barbie was lit [Mattel will probably sue for this act of cruelty -Ed] and it was simply a case of enjoying the great weather, great food, the polypin of Adnams Best and the great company for the rest of the afternoon.

The circle was eventually formed and down-downs were awarded to the hares, to Pongo, Dead Meat and Merlot to celebrate their anniversaries. G-String awarded himself the hash nightie for recklessly losing his tankard and POSH trophy which had only been awarded to him the evening before. Other down-downs were dished out, but I can't remember what for as I was too ratted to bother at this stage.

ONON - Paintball and Pooper

Footnote:
POSH stands for Prestigious Office of the Supreme Hasher and is awarded at Posh Nosh to the hasher with the highest attendance since the previous Posh Nosh.