No GM this week so PONGO circles us up promptly at 11:00 hrs. The RA is resplendent in HASHIT, complete with co-ordinated blue shorts, which are pulled up so the waistband is under his armpits (very fetching, in a Humpty Dumpty sort of way!). There are three visitors and a couple of newies this week. Welcome to SKIDMARK'S brother and girlfriend (think it was Kevin & Anna, but I've had a few beers since talking to them!) and three visitors from foreign climbs, CHRIS WADDLE (bonny Scotland), COCKROACH and TABLETOP (Cairo).

We issue the usual road warnings and indicate the ON ON, only to be called back by PONGO who awards the horns to SHAGPILE (first out of the car park) and SKIDMARK. At this point WHITE RABBIT makes her entrance, as the pack surge out of the car park.

F'C A DUCK leads the pack down the first leafy lane and discovers the first Bar. MEKON finds herself in front and is more intent in discussing how cold it is than checking out the trail. The dog powered Scribe is not far behind playing on his horn. STEVE (who informed me on our return that the run was too short!!) finds the first falsie at the next check. CARDIAC runs the other one and on discovering the T proceeds to con other FRBs up the trail by pretending to tie his shoelace. I call the false trail as SHAGPILE has, by now disappeared over the horizon in the other direction.

The back markers are escorted on a short cut whilst the FRBs run a little loop. At the next check SHAGPILE ignores the ON ON and again vanishes into the distance. The hares have their revenge though as he runs a monster false trail at the next check. After a held check at the road it's straight into the woods and on to the next check. RINGER goes for the uphill option and finds a T; CHRIS WADDLE goes across the field and gets the same result. CARDIAC leads the pack down the hill and onto a ladies check on the bridge over the pretty babbling brook. BED PAN (back from the "darkside"; ask TIGHT WAD) runs the false trail.

The usual suspects get suckered by a bar check up the hill and SASQUATCH (is that how you spell it?) finds himself out in front and gets to the next check first. Nice long falsie along the road followed by one up into the field find the RA at the back of the pack with a hill to climb to the next check. CHRIS WADDLE takes the bait at the check and after discovering one blob runs fully half a mile before it occurs to him he has not seen any more. CARDIAC and BELL END realise what has happened and discover the trail back to the road.

A held check amongst the houses allows time for everyone to regroup and trot back to the pub in 45 minutes. The circle was held before the pub opened; the hares, visitors and newies all got their drinks and the circle was handed over to the RAs. At this point Derby and Joan (alias FLORENCE and GOOD CRACK) broke out the folding chairs and tartan rug. What I want to know is; where was the tartan thermos flask? Anyway, they were making a statement about the length of the RA's sermons over the past weeks. Needless to say this had no effect and we got another wonderful performance from G-STRING, ably aided and abetted by BELL END. The highlights I can remember are as follows:

• FLORENCE and SKIDMARK for a group undressing session on the run
• ME for making flour marks of a male nature (second week running)
• PONGO for loosing his Father Christmas beard
• SHAGPILE for some beard-related misdemeanour

The HASHIT went to SHAGPILE for constantly ignoring the ON (an utter lie and totally undeserved - ED)

ON-ON SMIFFO & GOOD CRACK