The day dawned with perfect hashing weather, courtesy of the RA and his assistant. The pack assembled amidst much confusion caused by White Rabbit actually being there early.

Off the pack went - oh no it didn't; Pongo, the hash horn, had not yet distributed his largesse. Once he had given several members the horn (yes, you too F'k'a duck!), the hash set off again. In an inspired (by drugs?) piece of hareing, GorJoyce placed an arrow directing the hash up a falsie she had laid the previous day. The hash duly found it was a falsie and set off in the other direction from the pub - only to find this too was a false trail. This caused Donut much confusion, and the belief it was a very short run, until he found he had to cross the road to find the real trail.

The pack set off again, following the bright red markers that could only be missed by those with unsavoury habits, and into a field full of horses and waterlogged shiggy. This was avoided by the front runners who sought high ground off trail, even calling 'On On' where there was no dust in a blatant attempt to cover their cowardice. The hares led the rest of the pack, in true hash fashion, back to the real trail where the hare, Bell End, was rewarded by losing a trainer in the shiggy.

The FRBs, now well ahead thanks to setting their own trail, duly obliged at the next check (which seemed to have vanished!) and ran the long falsie over the railway line while the rest of the pack caught up at the check. Off we set again, soon finding the next check by ignoring the clear bright red markers around the field to a bar check. Cap'n Haddock found the first false trail. Cardiac set off on the second falsie and shot straight past the T which was easily spotted by those following him.

Smiffo, a constant FRB, then set off on the real trail but soon encountered a bar. The pack milled around aimlessly before being put to shame by the newie (Whatshisname?) who found the trail up onto the old railway embankment, and the pack soon found itself, led once again by Smiffo, back a few yards from where they had been ten minutes earlier. Smiffo ran straight past a large, bright red ladies check on top of sleepers right next to the trail and had to be called back by the hare, Bell End, who was by now knackered from trying to keep up with Smiffo in order to rein him in every time he ran through checks and bars. Smiffo claimed he did not see them because FRBs only ever looked at the trail right in front of them. (Memo: Remind Smiffo this is a hash, where you look for the trail, not a road race - or perhaps a few down downs are called for!)

The trail led past The Colonel's old house (A name check and he wasn't even there!) and soon into the local sports ground where Smiffo felt a need to go off on his own and hang around the back of the men's toilet (for which he received a down down - but what did he receive around the back...). F'k'aduck found the real trail, but again missed the bright red trail marker at his feet. My Little Pony, following, had no such eyesight problems (but doesn't have Florence's hands in his pockets all the time either!), called the trail and it was off into the fields once again. (Apart from Smiffo and Cardiac who were once again setting their own trail, unfortunately finishing their short cut right in front of the RA and his assistant, for which they duly received down downs. F'k'aduck and others obligingly ran across a ploughed field (there was a path there last week!) only to discover it yet another bar. Yours truly could tell they enjoyed it, clearly hearing the word 'bastard' from the other side of the field and seeing one finger raised, clearly indicating it was a number one trail.

The run in was largely uneventful and so on to the circle. Pongo said nice things about the run, the countryside, lack of roads etc. (What a gent, I thought - but was soon proved wrong!). The GM, Donut, gave down downs to the newie, a visitor from Darwin (where a bar maid once tried to refuse to serve me because there was no collar on my T-shirt!) and the hares, GorJoyce and Bell End. At least I think he did - my memory tends to get a bit vague from here on. The RA then began his epic by awarding himself a down down for something. (He was thirsty?). The assistant RA threatened to give him a down down as punishment for giving himself a free beer. The circle was interrupted by a Land Rover driver from the White Rabbit school of motoring. Once he left (eventually) Cardiac got a down down for referring to Pecker as 'Woody' (cf last week) on the hash. Bell End got a down down for doing his job and reporting this felony to the RA. GorJoyce got a down down for her inspired placing of the arrow (she usually points with something else). Unfortunately she had already left the circle (without permission...) and so co-hare Bell End was called on to drink her down down. There were various other down downs but things are a bit blank here; I seem to remember Bell End got another down down, but I cannot remember why; Cap'n Haddocks mobile phone went off in the circle, so he promptly got a down down. The assistant RA, by now clearly not seeing too straight, gave Cardiac a down down for saying the call was from 'Woody'. He protested his innocence but Pongo did not admit until later, in the pub, that he was the guilty party. F'k'a'duck had one for giving Florence the horn. Florence had one (for giving F'k'a'duck the horn?) but claimed he was not built for blowing. I have vague memories of more down downs but no idea who or why - or perhaps I was just seeing double.

The circle broke up and we repaired to the pub, where several more beers were consumed.

I am now falling asleep on my settee, and then heading off on holiday to recover from the circle. Enjoy winter here; I am going to see Jorvik and Pussy Galore (more name checks for absentees!) in Sydney, then hashing in Phuket and Bangkok, and attending the Phuket Hash Christmas Party. It's a tough life.

On On.
Bell End