Run No. 533 11th November 2001
chez G-String & Skidmark, Arlesey
Ankle Biters: -
Knitting Circle: -
Sorry Hashers, but by the time your hares finished the on-on-on on Sunday afternoon, we couldn't even tell you what we were drinking let alone remember any pertinent details about the run. Grim perseverance and a number of stiff drinks will be required to see you to the end of these Words.
The day started on a hash-arsed note with a number of those present for assembling not assembled. This resulted in the circle's 2 minute silence for Remembrance Day being delayed, a matter which would incur the wrath of the Assistant RA at a later juncture (and rightly so).
Harkening to the wishes of the HM, the pack set off replete with various party squeakers intent on making as much noise as possible. Within minutes they had succeeded in finding many more false trails than the hares had set. Eventually, Dan Dare picked up the trail and off the pack went, leading through the houses, past the mildly abusive local children and eventually on to a ladies check.
Many of the Harrietts chose today to enjoy the sedate pace and stimulating atmosphere of the Knitting Circle. Good Crack was in particularly good form, spending the entire run knitting gussets for the RA's vestments, (the new incumbent being a more rounded individual than previous RAs).
The task therefore fell upon Underlay to "check it out". G-String was very disappointed to see that Underlay missed the carefully crafted falsie that he had laid and went straight down the real trail. Mirth was to come however as Underlay found one of Pecker's falsies and somehow ran a big loop (which was nothing to do with the craft of the hares) and wound up right back where she started.
Pecker, Dan Dare, Blow Job and Donut charged off down the correct trail, arriving at the next check a whole Guiness advert before anyone else. Checking it out, the pack fell straight into the hares' trap. A short and easily spotted falsey was the bait. Once that was found, the only option was to take a long trail back through the trees which Blow Job duly followed. With the pack out of sight, Pecker hurriedly scratched through the bar to the original falsey and set off down the real trail. Blow Job put on his death mask when he found his trail barred and harish sculduggery had been at work.
Bell End picked up the baton and set off with true FRB gusto leading the pack into the next check. On the way, the hares heard a most unsettling noise coming up quickly from behind (as it were) as the pack made its way up the high street: strange primeval noises the likes of which had not been heard in this age of man. Although both grown men, (though still growing around the middle) hearts were faint at the approach of this tortured beast. With grim resolve the hares turned to face the evil menace only to find that it was Cardiac doing thoroughly unpleasant things with his squeaky whistle. It was difficult to decide whether the imagined evil or stark reality was worse.
Nobody bought the falsies out of this check and so the pack headed off to the river. The long drag back up to the high street found the pack going all Magic Roundabout: F*ckaDuck set off on a blatant falsie (a dead end road) and Cardiac made for Luton (the only possible explanation is that the pack was 30 minutes into the run and there was a pub in the general direction that he was heading).
Donut again led the way out of the next check, closely followed by My Little Pony, Dan Dare and Rajah. Dan Dare and Rajah got away with some outrageous short cutting (because the RA was down downed too many times himself in the circle) and so we came to the first ever Basketball Check. Every hasher scored a basket and collected their beer with one notable exception. Rajah, already sporting this season's bog seat necklace for assaulting the RA during last week's circle, didn't have the luck of the Irish. For a truly shoddy shooting performance (and evidence of clear competitive behaviour with Pooper) he was awarded a dress, (not the hash dress, but rather one of the RAs own, mind you!) Noteworthy mentions for basketball prowess go to Dan Dare (who has an unfair advantage, being closer to the basket than anyone else), Donut (for adopting a shooting style last seen in the '50s), Ringkisser (for being too good) and Underlay (for making it look easy).
At this point the run went truly wobblers up. Pecker set off as a live hare whilst G-String supervised the last of the basketball and beer. In the mere 48 hours since laying the trail and discussing the options for heading back to the chariots, G-String forgot the route and, worse, couldn't find the correct newly laid trail.
By a mixture of luck (and Arlesey having a very long but very straight high street) the pack made it back to the On-Inn.
The circle was a typically anarchic affair with down downs going to G-String for misdemeanours he now can't recall, Pecker for haring and forgetting his tankard, Cardiac because it's just necessary and for arguing with the RA, Blow Job for forgetting his own birthday, Nik-Nak, Good Crack, Florence and Ringkisser for not knitting fast enough to ease the RA's discomfort, Donut, White Rabbit, Paintball and Pooper for misdemeanours which the hares can't recall, F*ckaDuck for wanting to park up Bell End's back passage, Bell End for not knowing Pecker's name, Florence again for not knowing who was Assistant RA, Rajah because he wouldn't give up the dress and for lost property, Skid Mark and Donut (again) also for lost property. The final down downs of the day went to Shagpile and Underlay for having the world's most neurotic dog. With the serious business out of the way, the circle settled down to enjoy a farmyard christening, bestowing the handle of My Little Pony on Ian/Mark/various.
On disbanding, hashers ploughed into the mulled wine and burgers. Egon Ronay eat yer heart out.