Run No. 521 20th August 2001

The Rising Sun, Biggleswade

Runners:  19
Mutts:  -
Ankle Biters:  -
Knitting Circle:  -
Apres:  -
Newies/Returnees:  -

Welcome to run number Five Hundred and Twenty oh, and One.

Or: It were always raining on Denly Moor 'cept on days when it were fine.

Or: Prior preparation and planning prevents piss poor performance.

Or: How to extract your keys from a locked boot, in about two hours.

Andrew had walked the course with Mutley and knew where he wanted to go. Mutley had walked the course with Andrew and knew where he had been; and where all the other dogs had been!

In fact Mutley knew where he had been so well that could well have been a reason for him not being allowed to run: he would have gone straight back to the pub for the welcome attentions of the landlady, thus blowing Andrew's cover.

So on a perfect Sunday afternoon a perfectly good run was planned. As was stated later one of the best runs Colin hadn't run. Never too far from the pub, not too long, hinting at a trip to the common and then finally giving in to those hashers who need some of the wet stuff; or the smelly stuff.

So it was with a self satisfied glow that we sat in Andrew's well-coiffeured garden (or was that the hair salon? - in-joke) and patted each other on the back for a job well planned. [See first quote in the title.]

So of I went to the Gym in the sure and certain knowledge that it was all going well, too well really. Dark clouds were gathering so I closed the sunroof. Dark clouds gathered so I turned the lights on in the gym. And then the rains came down. Have you ever been in Malaysia when it rains? Have you ever seen a tropical storm? Flash flood? No? Well Biggleswade, early on Sunday evening, staged a dramatic impersonation of the lot. It could have been entering the Edinburgh Fringe Festival it was so accomplished, so deft, so wet! [Hence the emphasis in the title.]

As I wended my way home through the lakes and floods I was thinking dough: Dough, was I lucky that I was in the gym when it rained, not laying the trail; Dough ray me far so la tea: yes shall I have some jam and bread? (Food is never far from my mind); Dough the trail will have gone all doughy!

20:43 phone rings: "I'm just taking Mutley for a walk and the rain has washed away the trail! And the bags of flour outside the back door." [Refer to second quote in the title and laugh cruelly.]

So on the day we relaid the trail. At this point I must cleanse my soul and stress that Andrew relaid almost all the trail. I busied myself finding trail that he had already relaid and scaring (or is that scarring?) locals as I carried bags of flour, umbrellas, mugs, hash cash lists, hash cash floats, advisory notes from the GM...

So off we run with a reminder to shout sheep, I mean bar. And I think it went rather well if I do say so myself...ah until we lost the father, who had lost the son in the estate! Note we didn't lose the son! just the father, who was a holy ghost at the thought of telling the holy mum...ah and until Dave decided to ignore the hare (they always lie, lead you astray, take you down the garden path - NO SEX PLEASE ON THE BRITISH HASH) and run the square mile [down down for playing cricket on the hash - only one game at a time please sport!] We intended to see the held check twice but some people like it so much that they saw it thrice. How touching, how not in the script.

A short beer stop in that well-coiffeured garden, courtesy of Andrew and his Mrs;
Entertainment provided by Underlay and the "overflipping mutt";
Good cheer provided by the "how'zat team, at last thank God for small mercies" English cricket team [only one game at a time please sport!]...

... we continued on our merry, convoluted, roundabout way back to the pub.

Everyone paid up, on time, without delay (even Hazel)... or did they? Could they? What is this flurry of activity around the nifty little red sports car? How do you get into the boot? With the key! Anyone got a key? [Down down to the HM for being ... well a bit of a prat really - to put it politely.] [Stress the last title line.]

Other down downs: well the hares, to show the newey how to do it; the newey, to show his daughter he still could do it; and the deca runner, to show how to do it in less than five seconds! Show off! [How did David manage to get away with a down down for losing his umbrella at a Hash event and then trying to blame his wife?!]

Oh and by the way, if you have lost a plastic tankard with crazy paving for a base, it's 50p for not having your tankard, a down down for losing your tankard and a down down for not looking after hash property - oh and a down down for dobbing you in! DOUGH!

Blow Job & Cap'n 'addock